So Shigeru Miyamoto just dropped in an interview that Pikmin 4 is almost close to completion. Which was a surprise to Pretty Much Everyone, since no one even knew it was in development. Hey. Neat. Cool. But like, could we get that fucking Zelda that we were promised? Oh, no? It’s being totally pushed back slowly onto the next Nintendo system? Great.

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Son of a bitch. Like, the game that I’m sweating for the Wii U isn’t going to hit the system. Is it? It isn’t. I can sense it. Nintendo’s already run public post-mortems on the console and shit. And now Legend of LinkLinkZeldaTime Wii U ain’t on the calendar for next year. Which means, as far as my detective skills tell me, that the title is actually going to drop for the Nintendo NX or whatever.

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OKAY FOLKS. Listen up. Between the alimony hearings, the drug use, the fact that Feedly went down for two fucking days, and my favorite butt plug melting in my dishwasher (which required an immediate journey to the upper mountains of the Appalachians to replace), there’s some E3 STUFF I DIDN’T GET TO. However, I also posted a fucking fuckload. Here in one batch is everything I’ve caught from E3. Posted, and previously unposted. Sorted by console. Don’t see your fave announcement/game? Hit the comments. I’ll add it. I know I’m missing a lot. Also! Use this space just to shoot the E3 shit. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t even know what the fuck to to say to you if you’re not down with this Zelda Wii-Wii-And-Me-And-U footage. It’s more or less the most taint-glazing batch of fanboy gameplay eroticism that Nintendo has trotted out since the original Super Mario Galaxy reveal in 1932. I say GODDAMN. Deliver me unto 2015.

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