#May2012
‘MINECRAFT” For XBLA Sold 1 Million Copies IN 5 Days; I Still Don’t Understand Game.
Minecraft continues to be a bankable commodity on a litany of devices, including the Xbox Live Arcade Place. It also continues to be a fucking enigma to me.
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Microsoft Patents Controller That IDENTIFIES Who Is Holding It. Futurism ++
In the next future, with the Robot Apocalypse approaching, nowhere will be safe for us. As the robots crunch our skulls and drink our blood (they will convert it into a bio-fuel of sorts), we won’t even be able to play one last game of Halo before the Recknoning. Our own goddamn consoles will be able to identify us, just by us holding our controller.
Microsoft Seeks Executive Producer For “AAAA” Xbox Title. That’s Pretty Intense
Microsoft wants to UP ITS FUCKING GAME, and we should applaud them for it. They’re looking for the executive producer of FUCKING AAAA game. That’s one more goddamn A than your casual excellent title. Are you in?
Rumor: Next XBOX Won’t Have A DISC DRIVE. Double Wut
Here’s a rumor upside your head: the next Xbox isn’t going to have a disc drive. Yep. Well, I mean, yep as in that’s the rumor. Do I buy it? Not at all.
Video: Microsoft Pimps Kinect-Enabled Shopping Cart. Sloth ++
Listen, let’s all calm down with bringing the Skynet Cylon revolution into our fucking grocery stores. Well, anymore than it already is. I mean, laziness is good and all. I get it. You want to be fat. You want to ride your scooters around Walmart while you buy shit you don’t need. That said, we need to draw the line somewhere. I’m drawing it at having a Kinect-enabled Fascist Robot Shopping Cart point out when you’re buying the wrong spaghetti.
Hit the jump for more info, and the horror.
Next Xbox Is Code-Named Durango. Cue Easy Jokes.
The Next Xbox is getting itself a code-name, which means the son of a bitch is coming along. Processors installed and uh, such and stuff. It’s got itself a code named and well…it’s definitely better than Project Dolphin. I know, not saying much.
Trailer: Alan Wake’s ‘American Nightmare’ Is Groovy Horror Awesome.
Last week I beat Alan Wake and all of its DLC. Fucking love it. Thankfully for me, new Wakeness drops next week in the form of new-content-but-not-a-sequel on XBLA. Remedy has released a trailer for it, and well. It’s fucking awesome. I know a lot of my friends didn’t care for Sir Alan, but I have a feeling if they knuckled through the first average hour or so, they’d embrace its inner Silent Hill meets Eternal Darkness meets the video game equivalent of awesome novel House of Leaves-ness.
(It’s one of my favorites of this generation now. I’m done proselytizing.)
Hit the jump to check it out.
Master Chief Design From ‘Halo 4’ Revealed By…Action Figure.
Much like the Avengers’ villain, the Master Chief we’ll be controlling in Halo 4 has been revealed in toy form. Have to love conventions, and marketing blasts, and data download hyper-pipes. I made up one of those things. Anyways.
Hit the jump to peep him out, yo.
Rumor: ‘Xbox 720’ To Have HD Touchscreen Controller. SO MUCH GIMMICK.
When I think of a new Xbox, my groin swells and I get lightheaded. Xbot!, reporting for duty. Newest rumor? Microsoft is seeing Nintendo a Kinect, and raising them a new touchscreen controller.
Microsoft To Discontinue Virtual Currency? Thank F**king God.
Microsoft’s currency system sucks right now. The space bucks, as our own The Dude calls them seldom make sense and guarantee Microsoft fucks you for extra cash. Thank the Maker, the company is doing away with the virtual rupees.
