#November2011
The Xbox Turns 10 Years Old Today. Jesus I’m Getting Old.
The Xbox! I got it, and didn’t use it much. Knights of the Old Republic, and the Halo titles. That was about it. It served up easy ridicule in the form of its garish system and its initial controllers. Yet. Yet…Yet I still love the son of a bitch.
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Microsoft Proclaims Cloud Gaming ‘The Distant Future’, Cloud Services Coming To Xbox.
Microsoft’s Brian Prince has spoken, and the words tumbling out of his mouth proclaim Cloud Gaming the distant future. Oh! Intangibility! How I long to pay good money for nothing more than bits and bytes. Bits and bytes that aren’t even loaded onto something I own.
Dude stuffs Xbox Down His Pants, Eventually Gets Tasered. Stupidity Rules.
I love stupid people. Namely because I am one, and knowing they’re out there helps ease my burden of existence. Helps roll my boulder if you will. Last week some dude applied for a job at Best Buy. When he was turned down, he did what any sensible person would. Stuffed an Xbox down his pants.
Rumor: Next Xbox Codenamed ‘Loop’, Running On Windows 9.
I’ve said it before, but I love the lifespan of his console generation. No new hardware to buy! Titles upon titles. It’s been a fruitful five years. Yet, nothing gold can stay. We have ourselves some Next Xbox rumors afoot.
Next Xbox May Be Slated For 2013, This Is Cool By Me.
If the next Xbox launches in 2013, the 360 will have been kicking around for eight fucking years. That’s a hell of a generation.
Microsoft Reveals Official Xbox 360 TV Partners. HBO Go, and More.
Cyeah, boi. Microsoft has revealed their partners for their TV service. HBO Go on my Xbox? Sounds fucking tight, since they don’t let you output from an iPad through your TV. Fascists.
Hit the jump for a video of pretty people enjoying it, and their official partners.
Rumor: Your Xbox Will Soon Function As Comcast or Verizon Cable Box.
Microsoft hasn’t hid their desire to get into the television business on the 360-degree Xbox. It’s 360-degrees! All inclusive. They got themselves some UFC and some ESPN and some miscellany. Soon! Soon, they may be able to offer their console as a cable box.
Sick.
Kinect Designed To Take On Lightning Strikes, Drops Onto Concrete.
There’s tough, and then there’s Kinect tough. Tough enough to sit and watch all you assholes dancing in front of it without barfing silicon chips all over you. Tough enough to stand for hours as little kids play Kinect Super Soccer! or some shit and not want to hang itself by its power cord. (Does it have a power cord?) Kinect is tough, and that’s because it was built that way.
The Original Xbox Controller Coming Back For ‘Halo Fest’, Dreck Lives!
The original Xbox and its controller were ungodly behemoths. Spat forth from a scabbed vagina of ill-fated design choices. Thankfully Microsoft fixed the controller problem mid-cycle and released one that you know, could be wielded by human beings. Time has passed though, and now they’re hilarious throwbacks. A shitty diaper of controller we can all laugh at.
Microsoft knows this, which is why they’re bringing them back for Halo Fest.
Microsoft Hiring People To Work On Next Console; 720 Get!
Say what you will about all the motion bullshit gadgetry that has been birthed out of the bleeding anus where gaming ingenuity used to be. It’s prolonged the generation. That kids, is a fucking good thing. However, everything comes to an end. This generation’s cycle is no exception, and Microsoft has begun hiring engineers to work on their next Box.
