Looks like we’re all going to have wait until 2015 for that killer game for the XB1. (Unless you’re not down with Halo, in which case you probably don’t own an XB1 anyways.) Yup-yupyup-yupyupyup, the next installment in the franchise is dropping then.

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YEAH, MICROSOFT! Roll that shit back! Is there anything left for Microsoft to double-back on at this point? Policy-wise? I don’t think so, and I think that’s fucking fantastic. I also don’t give a damn about the reasons (I imagine it’s monetary duh or something) behind their policies shift. Giving us what we want? Cool.

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Xbox is rolling out a fucking panoply of original TV content starting in June. Wee?I mean, I guess this is a good thing. ‘Cause outside of Titanfall, I don’t really have a fucking reason to use my XB1 these days. Here’s hoping the initiative is the fucking tits.

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I’m digging this console war. PS4 versus XB1 versus my wallet versus Godzilla versus Jizz-Covered Parking Lot Wanderers. It’s the greatest battle of the generation. And so while PS4 is outselling XB1 at the moment, both are selling pretty fucking well.

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C’mon Phil Spencer. I recognize that all of you Bloat-Brained Head Honcho Ding Dongs are prone to hyperbole. I get that. But how about you unfuck the gaming community’s perception of the XB1 before you blather your super-hype, nonsense-crap.

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C’mon, Microsoft. Get this fucking done and I’ll love you. I’m tired of juggling all my fucking consoles, AV ports, and jackin’-off socks. Make my life easier. Let me play my 360 games on my XB1. Please? Truthfully — I’d dig this way more than PlayStation Now! or whatever. I don’t want to have to pay to play fucking games I already own on my PS3. (Assuming this official emulation is free, granted, whatever, get off my cock.)

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Phil Spencer: Mostly known to me as the Blazer & T-Shirt Guy from his various presentations. Now I’m going to know the lad by another appellation: Head of XBOX. I don’t really know how to feel. Microsoft has spent the last year peeling off restrictions from their console, getting outsold by the PS4, and making me fucking pay for an adapter to use my existing headset. Is Spencer behind any of this? Will he alleviate some of this douchery now that he’s in control? I wonder. As an owner of the XBONER, I’m hoping he does a fantastic job.

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Microsoft is teasing us with promise of an exclusive from a “wonderful” Japanese developer. I really wonder what the fuck it can be, and how much money they’ve backed up into the gaping anus of said developer to obtain it. (In case you didn’t know, currency-to-anus transfers are the new hot phenomenon in my mind.) Cause like, with XB1 not even out in Japan yet, what sort of exclusive with a Japanese developer provide?

NO SERIOUSLY — I don’t know. Any guesses?

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My taint is ready to be slathered in bro goo and deployed back into the world of Far Cry. It’s been too long! Miss the Island. Miss the Blood Dragons. Good news for me then, that apparently the next installment of the mofuckah’ is arriving in early 2015. I can do this. I can make it.

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Some person is shouting “YOLO” at the stars while puking dated references down their polo shirt. How else could they be behaving, if they’re just vomiting up all sorts of XB1 goodies and secrets? No clear lack of respect for timely references, or secrets. Seriously though, there’s been a goddamn avalanche of rumors revealed by this person with a Really Confusing Moniker. Most of them have me shrugging in apathy. How about you?

Hit the jump to check them out.

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