#June2011
Press Start!: Voice Commands Are For The Bedroom, Not Video Games.
I absolutely love Chez-Its. Nothing relaxes me more than popping down on the toilet mashing a handful of Chez-Its into my gullet while checking my Tumblr on my iPhone. One of the other things I absolutely love is the use of adverbs. Hemingway fucking hates me. On top of those two pure, unadulterated loves of mine is my unremitting love for video games.
That’s why I write this column. Press Start!, the post where I run down five things that happened in the world of video games this week. I’m covered in Chez-It crumbs and ready to vomit verbose into your eye-mind-mouths.
Let’s party, guys!
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‘Wii U’ Graphics Chip Is Last-Gen Radeon, Stronger Than PS3 and Xbox 360.
I don’t know much about graphics cards. Even with that, I’m always interested in HOW POWAH-FUL a new console is going to be. So when details regarding the ‘Wii U’ graphics chip comes out, I nod my head and pretend to understand whatever the fuck it means.
Nod! Smile! Repeat!
Press Start!: It’s E3. Gimmicky Controllers, TVs, and Franchises.
Press Start!, the week of E3. There was a time when E3 was a wondrous occasion. Those days are gone now, like leaves from a tree. With the advent of the Internet, everything is known weeks prior. Secrets exposed, dissected. Shit is passé before it’s even revealed. Take for example Nintendo’s Wii U. While I’ll admit that seeing any new console in motion gets me up, it would have truly blown my asshole out if they could have kept the entirety of it secret until the conference.
With that in mind, let us not spend the entirety of our fleeting brain-focus-capacities on regurgitating the quasi-reveals and appreciable moments of the Big Three at the show. Let us instead turn our ADD-addled brains towards shooting the shit about the show. Deal? Press Start!’s usual conceit is pressed pause in lieu of some geek spit.
Nintendo Stock Drops After ‘Wii U’ Reveal.
Despite dropping the ‘Wii U’ on the very expecting asses of the gaming public, worst secret ever, Nintendo’s stock has been dropping this week. I don’t see why! Revealing a console with no first-party games, a gimmicky tablet controller, and footage of third-party games culled from footage from the other systems is a recipie for rock! Not!
More Pictures Of The ‘Wii U’ Controller. Tabletized!
Here’s some more looks at the Wii U controller, which is all sorts of bananas. While I wasn’t totally down with the Nintendo conference since you know, they showed no fucking games, the controller itself is super swank time. To me at least.
Nintendo Reveals ‘Wii U.’ Pictures, Details, and Games Inside.
Nintendo’s revealed their successor to the Wii, titled “Wii U.” Come inside for a collection of captivating morsels. Or just all the known news so far.
