My wife is really good at throwing wood into the wood stove that heats our sunroom during the Winter. Someday I’m going to be typing this from a shelter, or a shack, or my backyard. You see, she’s really good at throwing it. Ashes are really good at flying into the air. Burning embers are really good at hitting the tile, and not the rug.

But woah boy!

Someday them embers are going to hit the rug. I’ve seen it.

But woah boy!

Someday them embers are going to ignite the rug, maybe the dog, definitely the house. I’ve seen it!

In fact, somewhere across the OMNIVERSE, in an incredible amount of Universes, this is happening now.

Somewhere: my pubic hair, which dangles to the ground, is igniting from those embers.

In fact, somewhere across the OMNIVERSE, in an incredible amount of Universes, this is happening now.

Somewhere: my dog, which is also a dinosaur, which is also Jesus Christ, is turning nipple milk into water, drowning those burning embers.

I’ve seen it!

Anyways — until she burns down the house here, until the embers take down this dry ass house in this dry ass state on this perpetually dry ass Planet — until then — I will be celebrating Weekend Open Bar from my couch.

Right here!

Weekend Open Bar! Come come, folks. Celebrate the weekend with me. Come come, folks. Tell me what you’re up to this weekend!

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