OH SHIT, I’m coasting on some caffeine. Cracked open Dead Space 2 yesterday. Played it for about…an hour and a half? Thoughts: it’s fucking radical. Like, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles radical. Tubular, even. Initial fears over Isaac Clarke having a prominent speaking role? Dismissed. Cast aside. Having him play a larger role is fantastic, and he’s also apparently a sexy lad. Yeah, I don’t know why I’m mentioning that. Ripping this shit off the tip of consciousness. A consciousness polished and aimed with a caffeinated machine gun spray.

MY FAVORITE PART SO FAR?
The setting. As much as I liked the whole Event Horizon-Alien-Whatever tip of the original, I love the Sprawl more. Why? ‘Cause if you ain’t in the know, son, it’s a cyberpunk homage. There’s no way the name the Sprawl isn’t a head nod to William Gibson’s Neuromancer. The setting itself reflects this homage, the whole thing looking like a cyberpunk orgasm that channels Gibson and Blade Runner and other bonery.

GAMEPLAY?
Like the original, but adrenaline charged. A lot more enemies coming at you at once, and Jesus they seem to be running a lot faster. Maybe it’s because I played it after a long day, but I was (enjoying) having a harder time corralling all of the little demons charging me.

HAVE YOU PLAYED IT?
I’m only on the third chapter, but I’d be interested to hear other people’s thoughts-in-progress.

Electronic Arts is going with a pretty amusing “Your Mom Hates This!” ad campaign for Dead Space 2. They show the game to the average Mom. Then they catch the Moms on camera as they shit their pants, and run back to their lives of fupas and super-processed hair. I dig it.

What do I dig more? Dino Ignacio’s Mom. Ignacio is the user interface designer for Dead Space 2, and he decided to show his Mom clips of the game. Is she  appalled? Hardly. She chuckles as she watches poor Isaac Clarke get dismembered and die a zillion horrible deaths. Outstanding.

Reminds me of my Mom, after spending twenty years in a house with my brother and myself.

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Of all the games I want that are actually announced, Dead Space 2 is the one I’m sweating the most. The original was the best rendition of Event Alien Horizon Scientology ever. It scared the crap out of me while hooking deep into my gaming soul with its presentation, graphics, storyline, and most importantly gameplay.

I have no idea what Dead Space 2 is about. Watching this trailer though, it seems to be taking place in a crumbling futuristic city. Oh god, did they just infuse one of my favorite game’s sequels with futuristic cyberpunk wankery? It’s almost too good to be true.

Strap on a diaper if you’re a wimp like me, and hit the jump for the new trailer.

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With E3 around the corner, we got some new Dead Space 2 goodness up in here. How about some debut gameplay footage? Say wooooord! Fucking Issac Clarke is back, and he is ready to rock out in the best mash-up of Event Horizon, Alien, and Your Worst Nightmares. Again. The original Dead Space is one of my favorite games of the generation, and I have to cop and admit that this sequel has me flapping my hands up and down excitedly like that girl that used to wear the helmet on the bus.

Hit the jump for the fuggin’ gameplay trailer!

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I always happily shit myself. Let me get that out of the way. I’m sitting on a fudge mound happily tucked between buttcheeks and boxer-briefs. But yeah, this trailer for Dead Space is the super illin’. The original blew my fucking mind, and I can only imagine the sequel is going to do the game. Check the trailer out after the jump.

I missed a shit load of stuff at PAXEAST this weekend, but Dead Space 2 footage is probably the thing I would have came hardest over in person. I dug the fuck out of the original. In fact, it’s in my top five for this generation, and up there all time. So when I saw this footage, I threw rope. Wicked hard.

[source : all games beta]

I’ve completed the Dante’s Inferno demo, and I have to say, I’ve never been so utterly impressed by how much of a ripoff a game is of another title. But Dante’s Infero has just done that. Like, the fucking game should be called God of War: Italian Epic Poem Style or some shit. Everything, everything, everything is like God of War. Chests for health? Check. Typical air-juggle move? Check. Fatalities? Check. Annoying quick-time sequences? Double check. Like seriously, holy shit. I’m flummoxed as to how one studio can riff on another studio so fucking hardcore.

The craziest part? I liked it way, way more than the God of War III demo. So without further adieu, I’ll capture my experience of playing the Dante’s Inferno demo.

Okay, let’s see here. What the fuck is going on. Some lame cartoon cinematic. It’s an oliphant from Lord of the Rings. Awesome. Ah, this dude is like, stitching a cross into his chest? That’s pretty fucked up. Okay, cool. Alright, boring cinema. Jesus Christ, I just want to kill shit. Alright, combat. Hey, wow, is this game running on the God of War III engine? This is exactly the same shit. Ah, combat. Also exactly the same. Except it’s much easier. Oh shit, alright air-juggle. Good, if this game is God of War, I need my air-juggle. Killing shit, killing shit. What the fuck, I’m fighting the Grim Reaper? This is fucked up. I just ripped out his spine, and now I’m using it as a weapon? Fucking crazy.

Hey, they didn’t just ripoff God of War, they ripped off Gladiator. Here is Maximus…I mean Dante returning home. Oh hey his wife is dead, no shit. Wow, they show her dead and she has one titty hanging out? Flagrant nudity, even more than God of War. Nice. Impressive. Alright, more combat. Hey, his wife is laying on a tomb or some shit. Naked. Wow. And now they’re showing him copulating and shit in a new cartoon cinematic. Wow. And now I’m shooting laser crosses out of my hands.

Oh hey, a magic gauge. Like God of War.

Hey look, flying thingies, just like the harpies from God of War.

Boring platforming. Sliding down shit. Blah, blah blah.

Holy shit, Virgil! What’s up dude. How have you been? You look stupid.

Fighting, fighting, blah blah. Hey, now I’m riding some beast thing or something. Stomping around and shooting fire. It’s sort of like exactly completely when you ride the Cyclops in God of War. Smash smash smash.

Door opens. Demo ends.