HEY GUYS. CAFF HERE. I WASN’T SUPPOSED TO DO AN OPINIONS VARY THIS WEEK. HOWEVER, EDUARDO PLUTO STUBBED HIS FUCKING TOE AND NOW HE’S IN THE ER. I DON’T WANT TO SPEAK TOO SOON, BUT THEY’RE TALKING AMPUTATION. LISTEN. I WASN’T ANTICIPATING WRITING ANYTHING TODAY. THE FIRST THURSDAY OF EVERY MONTH IS THE SWEAT LODGE FOR ME. I BUMP A BUNCH OF DIET PILLS DOWN WITH THIRTEEN DIET MOUNTAIN DEWS, THEN I COMMUNE WITH NATURE. AND THE OMNIVERSE. AND THE SPIRIT-LORDS. NEEDLESS TO SAY I’M TWEAKING A BIT AT THE MOMENT.

ANYWAYS.

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Sometimes you just need to run with a headline regardless of whether or not it makes sense.  Thor: God of Thunder has gotten itself a nice expose, exposing all of its nougaty bits for us to feast upon. Shit man, Marvel Now! has actually got my nipples tightening a bit.

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China’s 16th richest person wants to buy himself some fucking Iceland. Not like a couple of houses. Naw, son. Dream! Dream big. His name is Huang Nubo and he wants to buy 300 square kilometers of wilderness.

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

Karmic uppercuts be cemented in truth, Pepsibones the great has been banished from his own column. He saw fit to render me helpless and hijack Variant Covers on Tuesday, and for that I have returned the favor by supplanting him in this hypertextual mayhem. One column theft begets another!

Brian Wood’s Northlanders can probably sell you buying the comic on the concept of vikings, violence, and vulgarity alone. Furthermore, the fact that Brian Wood is writing the rag is motivation enough for me to read it. Wood’s DMZ is one of the densest, smartest comic books I’m digging on these days.

So!

The fact that Wood brings his intelligent, witty, and darkly humorous notions of power and prejudice amongst other things to the world of swords and vikings? Fuck you if you’re not reading this comic book.

Which in fact, means, fuck me up until today.

Northlanders #29 is a stand-alone issue, which makes it perfect for douchebags like me. Having not read the title, but wanting to get into it, I’ve been holding off for a jumping on point! Splash, motherfuckers! Jump on in, the water is warm, with invisible pools of urine slowly floating your way. Shazam! Muwahaha. But no seriously, grab this issue and welcome to the world of Northlanders. You don’t need any pre-existing knowledge of the world.

The issue is narrated by the character Dag. Now, I don’t know Dag. And I’m pretty sure he’s a new character, but I could be wrong. But within a few pages, Wood has you firmly entrenched in Dag’s plight. It’s the sign of a dope writer that can get you invested in a character in a short amount of time. Anyone can generate sloppy issue after sloppy issue and facilitate some sort of illusion of depth. But Wood’s Dag is so god damn real from the beginning that you’re with the dude.

Most of that righteous bullshit is achieved through D-Boy’s internal monologue, which reads like some straight up sexy and darkly humorous prose:

My name is Dag. Just Dag. Who my kin are is of little use or influence out here. What makes a man on the sea road is bringing the cargo in on time, and not fucking over the hired help.

Right now I’m losing on both counts.

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