#May2012
The Dude’s High 5s: Top 5 Fictional Handheld Weapons I Want To Own [Video Game Edition]
Not only am I the Dude, but I’m also A dude. Like most males that are stuffed with testosterone and swagger like pirate god kings I love violence. Let me be a bit more specific, I like the idea of violence. I’d rather see it done in a movie or on a TV show in real life. Better yet, I’d rather be the one doing the violence in a video game. Today’s High 5 will look at the tools of the trade. These are the weapons I’d want to wield if I was about to run through the streets on an anger fueled GTA killing spree (Probably in Salem, MA … driving in that city is aggravating).
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The Dude’s High 5s: Top 5 Misunderstood Videogame Henchmen
So last week I shat in the pool and started pointing fingers. I get it, some of you were unhappy with my High 5. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, that’s how I like it. This is a melting pot of ideas and opinions.
This week we’re moving into the realm of video games; a realm that I have disgracefully ignored until now. Today it’s about henchmen, specifically the waves and waves of baddies that you as the protagonist dispatch without hesitation. These aren’t the run of the mill bad guys. Perhaps these guys don’t quite deserve the hurting that you put on them. Maybe next time you encounter them, you’ll think a little more and just let them pass.
FEZ: Perspective-shift yourself back to childhood
Being a game steeped in perspective puzzles, hidden codes, Escher-like architecture and a distinct lack of anything resembling sign-posting: Fez is not short on a challenge or two. However, after exploring its shifting dimensions and succumbing to its intoxicating charms I have found that the most difficult challenge it poses is in asking you to define your experience. It’s difficult to be concise about a game that is so sprawling and labyrinthine. Watch me as I fail.
Kickstarter Seeks Money For LEGO BRICKS To Make SUPER MARIO BROS. WORLD 1-1. C’mon Internet.
We got this one guys, we got this one. Let us band together and unleash an insane amount of money ($26,000) so some artist lad can recreate Super Mario Bros. World 1-1 with LEGO bricks. This is what we have been practicing wasting our money over the years for. The grand summation of frivolity.
Video: VIDEO GAMES Done Up As PLANETS; Gaming x Space Swoon.
This is pretty dope. A fan-made video of twenty video games represented as planets. As much a gaming and space nerdo, this is milking two different pleasure centers at once. Note how I writhe in glory.
Yesterday Was “ATARI NATIONAL PAC-MAN DAY”. Finally A Sensible Holiday.
I knew yesterday felt special. Normally whenever there’s holiday, my taint grease gets a bit thicker. It’s the excitement. I just couldn’t figure out why yesterday felt special, why the grease was congealing so quickly. Now I do! Fucking Pac-Man Wow Day!
Study: Kids Play Less Than 20% Of Their Media Time Playing Video Games. Pr0n Wins?
Momma always told me to get off the dang video game machine and go outside. Well I didn’t. My senior year of high school consisted of not losing my virginity, eating Wendy’s every day, playing video games, and gaining fifty pounds. Thankfully according to studies, future kids are decidedly unlike me.
April Fools: Google Maps Goes 8-Bit
Confession time sans any shame: When I was a wee boy, I would run around in my backyard, sword-stick in hand, playing in imaginary worlds that were mostly inspired by the 8-bit NES maps in Final Fantasy and Legend of Zelda. These worlds, grand for a little awesome kid, offered the perfect bird’s-eye view of spatial possibilities, offsetting where you could and could not go–that is, until a major weapon, accessory, magic, or tip was found that would be duly employed to blast through any and all obstacles. Needless to say, life was good. But now that I am old and boring and my penchant for whimsically running around in my backyard returns to me only when I am drunk or deranged, such fancies have passed from my everyday existence–until now. Clearly on a similar wavelength, the gamers behind Google Maps dropped an 8-bit April Fools masterpiece on the world. Take a bird’s-eye view after the jump.
Popular Game Box Art Done Up As ADULT MOVIE PARODIES. Clever/Not Clever Amusement.
Here’s an ass load (probably a pun in this context) of video games’ box art done up as porn parodies. I can’t tell if the cheesy almost groan-worthy titles are on the creator’s part, or they’re simply fulfilling the non-clever-but-amusing porn title manifesto. Analo? Really? Sounds…silly (send me a copy). The whole thing is validated by the Samus In Latex cover.
Microsoft Seeks Executive Producer For “AAAA” Xbox Title. That’s Pretty Intense
Microsoft wants to UP ITS FUCKING GAME, and we should applaud them for it. They’re looking for the executive producer of FUCKING AAAA game. That’s one more goddamn A than your casual excellent title. Are you in?
