#March2014
‘BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT’ SCREENS: Gotham Never Looked So Good
Sorry to all my plebeian friends who ain’t into the next-gen game. You see, I’m fucking stoked that the new Batty installment is only for the new consoles, and I sadly don’t care who that cuts out. ‘Cause focusing on the highest tech (that would have sounded so cool in 1997) has the fucking visuals BOOMING. (This never sounded cool.)
Hit the jump for all the screens.
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Keiji Inafune making SPIRITUAL SUCCESSOR to ‘MEGA MAN’ called ‘MIGHTY NO. 9’; needs us to KICKSTART THIS BEAST
Keiji Inafune is leaning on us to help him out. Why should we lend a hand? The dude only created Mega Man. Now he wants to launch the spiritual successor to his iconic franchise, and it goes by the name of Mighty No. 9. The only problem? Dude needs like a solid milli. Milli buckos to get this fucker off the ground.
XBOX ONE is MAYBE/PROBABLY dropping on November 8.
Now that I’ve made my amends with Microsoft (I love you Herbie), it’s going to be difficult for me to watch the release of the XBONER-1 come and go without a purchase. Especially since I’ll be having to wait a week (A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK) for the PS4 to drop. That’s one goddamn week without my toes in the next-gen pool.
‘XCOM: ENEMY UNKNOWN, getting EXPANSION titled ‘ENEMY WITHIN’ this November.
Intergalactic foreign-entity boner arriving in my pants! My tingling tip has just received news that one of my favorite games of the last year is seeing an expansion. Yeah, brah. I’m talking about XCOM. What is one of the few things that could make the title more dope? Fucking mech suits for your squad members.
PLAYSTATION 4 RELEASE DATE ANNOUNCED: NOV. 15 LIKE WUT.
It’s been dated! The arrival of the PlayStation Computing Station-Fourth! Begin pinching your pennies and hocking your seminal fluids and other reproductive goods. You have until the middle of this November.
Rumor: EVERY XBOX ONE in Europe coming with a copy of ‘FIFA 14’ free.
I don’t know the non-American football well. At all. However, I do know that them fuckers in Europe are bonkers for it. In fact, isn’t FIFA like the top selling franchise? So the fact that the XBONE is going to come with a free copy seems pretty fucking impressive to me. Like if they dropped the console in America packaged with Call of Battlefield: Modern Ops and a twelve-pack of Dew.
Sony dropping PLAYSTATION 4 release plans on August 20. TELL ME.
Dear Sony: I have you all prepped to take my money. The PS4 has been pre-purchased on Amazon. My frothing desire mounts. Now just tell me when the fucking console is dropping.
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO’ ONLINE TRAILER: Persistent Larceny!
Oh boy. Strike that previous complaint of mine about GTO being nothing special. Grand Theft Auto Online is a separate game. It’s just going to be free to those who buy Grand Theft Auto V. Launching a couple weeks after the release of GTAV (it’ll drop October 1), the game assuredly going to destroy lives and ruin relationships.
The berries, man.
Hit the jump for the trailer.
Rumor: PLAYSTATION 4 dropping OCTOBER 21. MY BODY IS READY. (My wallet? Eh.)
Ever since I signed a contract with the guy behind the 7-Eleven who promised me a launch PS4 in dick blood and tears, I’ve wondered to myself. Namely, what the fuck am I doing with my life? How did he know I’d be so happy to scab my cock head just for a gaming console? Oh! And also when the fucking jam was going to breach shelves.
Well, it looks like we may have an answer.
XBOX ONE no longer requires KINECT to be plugged in. STILL GOTTA F**KING BUY IT.
The XBONE song and dance is a curious one. Full of twists, turns, pirouettes and shit. The latest little move in this tango is the announcement that the Xboner does not require a Kinect to be plugged in to operate. Which is sort of neat, but also like sort of “how about you don’t fucking force me to buy it then”, right? Definitely giving credence to the rumors that 2014 shall see a Kinect-less version of Microsoft’s next console.
