Prepare to up the chemical-ante, folks. Twinkies are returning out of the bankruptcy abyss, planning on turning your blood stream into a sugar-and-chemistry set nightmare. I only wish they could have returned prior to July 4. I would have been a good America. You know. Grilled hot dogs and used the Twinkies as the bun.

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No, no, no. No, no, no! What the fresh hell is this nonsense. Hostess is like, billions of dollars in debt. Okay, sure. Sucks. Due to this, them people have to shut down, and dammit, folks. Dammit. They may be taking our Twinkies with them. This aggression will not stand. Probably because its been eating Twinkies its entire life, and its legs cannot support its weight.

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