#March2012
Universal buys the film rights for that Twilight fanfiction-turned-novel. Meanwhile, I weep for the gene pool.
Obviously the fact that some shitty Twilight fanfic was published and became a surprise bestseller means I should polish up all the fanfiction I wrote in high school and make bank.
I’m sure you can guess my feelings on the Twilight franchise; they’re right up there with my feelings on the MPAA. But they don’t come close to my feelings on this piece of shit story (“50 Shades of Grey”) with its atrocious writing. No, seriously, that is an actual excerpt. And just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, Universal and Focus Features bought the film rights.
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First Teaser For Cronenberg’s COSMOPOLIS Puts Our Pattison Fears to Rest
For those of you who have been missing the David Cronenberg of yore – the kinky philosopher with a camera who brought the world The Brood, Videodrome, and Crash – the first teaser for Cosmopolis is here and it’s infused with flashes of physical taboos. I’ve enjoyed the hell out of Cronenberg’s output since he went “soft” with Eastern Promises up through last year’s A Dangerous Method, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t eager for some more body-horror-kink.
In 1994 The Air Force Proposed A Bomb That Turned Hostiles Into Gay Vampires.
Ah! Blessed be that my tax money can be covertly spent researching such things as bombs that will turn those who are hostiles in the eyes of the Empire into homosexuals who are sizzled by sunlight.
IDW Wants You To Trade-In ‘Twilight’ For ’30 Days of Night. Do It!
IDW has a most righteous promotion going on this weekend at Comic-Con. They’re encouraging people to trade-in Twilight in exchange for their own copy of 30 Days of Night. The promotion is called Sparkles For Blood. I love this.
This Is Way Nicer Than My Twilight Tattoo
Some old lady in Britain dropped 14 dress sizes and decided to celebrate in the most logical way imaginable: getting an enormously creepy Twilight back piece. So basically she has a mural of teen virgins on her wrinkly back. Fucking brilliant!
But this lunatic instead done. No. From the DailyWhat:
She plans on covering the rest of her body with Twilight tats, starting with her arms: “There are still a few bits to do. I am going to get my arms done before my 50th birthday in summer. I love Robert Pattinson. I want to tone up so I can get his character Edward Cullen on my stomach.”
You do that, you fuck. Flip the script for a second. What if a 49 year-old man got a huge tattoo of Miley Cyrus or one of those other tween douchebags? He’d be called a pervert.
This old lady is a pervert. Case closed.
