Apple is doing well. You probably knew that. Acolytes like myself line up and consume their products while plugging our ears to the horrors of factory conditions and the idea that other products could be superior. One result of this dedication is that the company may be poised to break the trilli barrier as early as next year.

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Gabe Newell wants to squish all those Valve and Apple meeting in the darkness of daylight rumors. He wants to press his titanic ass cheeks right up against those rumors and vaporize them with the death air that has been trapped in his buttocks for nearly a decade.

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We have reached the crossroads of Valve and Apple gaming console rumors. At this intersection, the two separate entities slam together, fusing into the monolithic Apple-Valve-Fucking-Console. A console made for fucking your entertainment center and forcing you to buy a larger one. You know, should it prove true.

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