#July2013
Monday Morning Commute: Don’t Forget to Mind-Wipe!
Fred was certain that everything’d gone according to plan.
Sure, it was only the third time he’d been called upon to complete the procedure. But why should he worry? It was the first thing they’d taught him at the Neural Corps Academy, a matter of routine that even those struggling with the coursework could exact if necessary. And he wasn’t no goddamn wash-out, he was quick to remind himself while taking a deep whiff of the checkered material.
He was Fred DeCoup. First, a child prodigy. Then, the star student-cum-valedictorian. And at twenty-two, the youngest cadet awarded the position of Reprogrammer General .
Needless to say, Fred was more than a bit startled when the subject woke up screaming. Typically, subjects’ reentries into consciousness are marked by outward expressions of tranquility, sometimes even gratitude. But when XT-203 came to, he was writhing with hatred and spitting vitriol.
“You piece of shit! You raped me! I remember everything! Release these clamps so I can tear out your throat!”
Fred DeCoup dropped XT-203’s boxer shorts from under his nose. He froze. He knew that everything hadn’t gone according to plan, that he’d made an error of the most egregious sort.
In his perverted ecstasy, Fred had forgotten the most important rule: always run a mind-wipe.
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Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! This is the weekly call-to-arms for all aboard Spaceship OL — crew and passengers alike — to discuss the various ways we’ll combat the Boredom Bastards! Rumor has that a few of these fun-suckers’ve been spotted in the very sector we’re headed towards this week, so we need to make sure that everyone’s armed and ready to face `em!
Murder your familial responsibility with movies. Crush your manager’s halitosis with comics. Piledrive your self-doubt with pizza.
I’ll get us started, but you hafta join me in the comments section.
Let’s do this!
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MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE: Go Back To Sleep, America!
Another Monday. Another Morning Commute. I ain’t complaining. I’m still sucking wind on the Big Blue Marble. For the moment. And for the moment it is still Big, and Blue. So while I’m here, let me lead the communion. This is the wonderful column where we share the various arts, farts, liquors, variety of cracker, and other nonsenses that are entertaining us in a given week.
INFOGRAPHIC PORN: The evolution of WOLVERINE’S COSTUME
Wolverine has got himself a variety of customs over the years. No surprise. Canadian Duder has been part of a variety of teams, and interjected into the world through a variety of media. Some costumes have been better than others. I mean — we can all agree Pirate Feral Wolverine may be the highlight of Logan’s career — right?
Hit the jump to check out the history of homeboy’s costume, and weigh in on your favorite.
HUGH JACKMAN TOTS TIRED OF BEING WOLVERINE. May retire after ‘X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST.’
Hugh Jackman is saying he will need a “pretty fucking compelling reason to return as Wolverine” after X-Men: Days of Future Past The Limit, stating it’ll take “like a musical or some shit. Or I’m out. Way fucking out.”
‘THE WOLVERINE’ TRAILER #2: THE CLAWS-AND-EFFECT of Logan’s past actions.
Claws and effect? I’m on fire! No, literally. I have engulfed myself in flames after that pun. This post is being typed in a final, zen-like state as I suffer immolation.
BONE CLAWS all up in this image from ‘THE WOLVERINE.’ Also: veiny nonsense.
We get it. We get it. Hugh Jackman is ripped. We get it. Gosh dang it.
Famke Jansse dropping JEAN GREY cameo in ‘The Wolverine’, aiight.
Don’t really care for Famke Janssen one way or the other appearing in The Wolverine. What I do give a shit about is keeping her out of the First Class universe, but I’m not holding my breath. How do you folks feel?
FIRST LOOK at Hugh Jackman in ‘THE WOLVERINE’ is generic as poop.
How do you continue to underwhelm me about the upcoming Wolverine flick? Drop this generic as hell poster. Yeah, he’s got claws. He’s jacked. We get it. We get it.
JESSICA BIEL To Play Viper In ‘THE WOLVERINE’, The March Of Irrelevance Continues
I love me some Jessica Biel. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just that it’s going to take more than her to get me stoked for The Logan Guy.
‘THE WOLVERINE’ Shooting In Japan; Three People Are Tots Excite!!!
Are you excited for The Wolverine? Yeah, me neither! Regardless, it is advancing into reality. Day after day, it inches closer to penetrating the thin membrane between Imagined and Consummated. When the pig finally hits the screens, establishing existence in our dimension, it’ll have really groovy shots filmed in Japan.
