It is a melancholic Weekend Open Bar, friends. For while I open the doors to the Tavern with arms-spread welcomingly, the very cracking of the doorframe signals doom. Or namely, it signals the dusk of my Spring Break. A sad time. A bad time. Every moment a march towards the return to hour-and-a-half commute and pants. And pants! Oh, I haven’t worn a pair of real pants since last Saturday. My ever burgeoning waistline not tortured by restriction, nay, but instead comforted by the glory of an elastic waist.

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Do you want your Netflix in 360-degrees? Maybe you can look down at your virtual belly and see virtual crumbs? Well, you’re going to be able (to probably not) do that soon! On Samsung’s Gear VR.

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Because — of course. Why wouldn’t Facebook get its own army of drones? It’s the New Black! The coolest list of tech-suaveness. Buy your drones, launch your army, prepare for the great Corporo-Warfare of 20xx Read the rest of this entry »

There’s a Pac-Man reality TV show in the works. This future-abortion is being helmed by Merv Griffin Entertainment, the fuckers behind Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!  I know it doesn’t make any sense, but welcome to the Wasteland, where nothing makes sense. Therefore, everything makes sense. We’re turning the board game Battleship into a fucking movie. Why can’t we turn Pac-Man into a reality show? Of course you don’t have a good reason! Here, have some details down your willing gullet, from  Roy Bank, the Guy Of Some Importance Or Something from Merv:

A big, crazy  Wipeout-type event with a lot of energy. The idea we have is to take what Pac-Man is and bring it to life, to bring what is essentially the world’s biggest game of tag to television.

I can’t imagine why this wouldn’t be a success and why we won’t all be stapled to our chairs while its on. Nonetheless, it isn’t the Pac-Man television show I envisioned. In my reality TV show, someone hides a bottle of Ambien in a giant grass  labyrinth. While I’m searching for it, people chase me with blunt objects. If I find the bottle of Ambien, I then pound them pills and chase them, because next to the bottle of Ambien is also a corked bat and an unloaded gun.

I think this would make for much more riveting television, but what the fuck do I know.