Here’s a shot making the rounds. All your favorite Avengers  as they looked back in their high school days. These are totally senior head shots, right? ‘Cause I’m staring at you Chris Hem…I mean ScarJo. Staring.

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Remember that time Loki broke Manhattan? I do, because I watched his fine ass do it in glorious digital 2D (fuck 3D). But whether it be Loki, Doc Oc, the aliens from Independence Day, or whoever the villain was for the Fantastic Four movies (I’ve pretty much blocked them out, so it’s all very hazy), no one ever really thinks about the damages.

So, how much would it cost to beat the shit out of the Big Apple?

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Hellllllllll yeah. Avengers  has broken the all-time domestic box office opening, farting on all those that dared come before it. Big, green Hulkian farts, flinging witty quips of disparagement as it does so.

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The Avengers should be as necessary to you this weekend as breathing, if:

–  You saw and enjoyed the Marvel Universe films of the past five years — like Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America.

– You read and enjoy superhero comic books.

– You have a fucking pulse.

If two of these things apply, you’ve probably already seen it.   If all three do, you saw it last night at midnight like the rest of us.

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In 1992 Dave Mustaine welcomed us to tomorrow. To be fair, this presentiment was most likely the product of combining hours of guitar-slingin’ with label deadlines and, of course, heroin. But the man wasn’t wrong. By the end of the 1990s, the world would be altered irrevocably, requiring us to adapt or perish.

A new Allegory of the Cave called The Matrix bullet-timed its way into our collective consciousness, reminding us that its of the utmost importance to wonder about the very nature of reality.   The Internet skulked into our homes, providin’ us with unprecedented access to democracy and porn and free/stolen/whatever music. And then Star Wars fucking died.

Again, Uncle Davey had tried to warn us.

Look around. Grandpa’s got a Bluetooth in his head, the teens use Twitter to goad one another into suicide, and SkyNet has invented a self-driving car in the hopes of obliterating human agency. So how do we survive the hustle in bustle of the post-cybernetic revolution?

We talk about the shit that makes us happy! Welcome to the Monday Morning Commute! This is the spot where I show you how I’ll be entertaining myself into the weekend. Your task is to hit up the comments section and share the wares you’ll be using. It’s really just show-and-tell with typing, but aren’t we all pretty much children these days anyways.

Let’s rock.

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The Avengers drops next week, and if you ain’t goin’ kooky-bananas then I don’t think this website is the place for you. Seriously.

After all, every single member of Spaceship OL has been pounding Red Bulls and speculating about this flick until passing out from exhaustion. Hell, just this morning I saw Caffeine Powered stroking his beard and swinging a hammer he stole from Pop’s tool-box, all while screaming at a geriatric crossing guard. If I recall, some key phrases from the public castigation included “Return to true-form, wretched Skrull-Bitch” and “Where’s Bucky!?” and “Beware Midgard racists, for Nick Fury is the manifestation of Smooth-Dancin’ Danger-Babysitter’s greatest dreams!”

True story.

Anyways, Paul Sizer created a minimalist poster for The Avengers that kicks maximum gamma-irradiated butt. Hit hyperspace and check it out!

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Do you know how excited I am for the Avengers  movie? No? Well, I’m pretty fucking excited. Not as excited as I am for Prometheus  or The Dark Knight Rises — I mean, I haven’t taken a day off from work months in advance for the midnight showing,  but the excitement level is damn high.

Yesterday, a new clip from the film dropped where basically one bad ass snipes at another bad ass. It’s pretty awesome. Also, Tom Hiddleston, I decided over the weekend that I find you attractive. It was watching the interview you did in which you sang all the words to Will Smith’s “Miami” that clinched it. So…. yeah, good job.

Anyway, hit the jump to watch the clip.

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The Avengers  got itself a couple of new TV spots. One in Brazilian, one in Dialect of the Empire flavor! Both of them have Tony Stark and Loki measuring each other’s proverbial hog, leading into the now famous “We have a Hulk” line.

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More footage! Always more footage! A new nation, new footage. This time we have the Japanese trailer for The Avengers, and it’s got some sexy new glimpses into the Wunder-Marketing-Synergy-Kapow Flick.

Hit the jump to check it out.

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Oh golly! Some typically barf-esque character posters for the Avengers  have been released. Plus!, midnight showings are now on sale.

Hit the jump for all the uh, glory.

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