#July2012
Nuclear Scientists Forging Sapphire Discs That Will Store Data For MILLIONS OF YEARS. Well.
Hey, this is totally awesome. We’re going to be able to store data for millions of years on these neat sapphire discs. Nothing will ensure our shame like when the Martians return, wondering what the fuck happened. They’ll spin up these discs, and see us fat, bloated, and giggling at cats on YouTube.
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This Camera Can Detect Cancer Cells In Real Time. Yeah, Science!
I don’t know if it’s going to be prostrate cancer, or Diet Dew-chemicals induced brain cancer that knocks me off the top rope. I don’t know which one shall do it. However, I’m glad that there’s all sorts of wonderful medicinal technological wunder-things arriving into the world to screen my dumb ass when the day comes.
3D Images That Are ‘Indistinguishable From Reality’ Could Be A Mere 40 Years Away. Holo-Smut Get!
I mean, c’mon. Don’t tell me we aren’t all clamoring for 3D holograms that are indistinguishable from reality if only to go to the local holo-pr0n bar. Walk in, program in your specific fetishes: rabbit tail, latex, water sports, and enjoy your insanely real appearing holo-stripper.
Video: First Ever MRI Video Shows Childbirth From THE INSIDE OH JESUS.
Oh hey. Here’s an MRI video of a childbirth, capturing it from the inside. Yeah, no big deal. It just looks like an alien slithering machine of want-doom.
Microsoft Announces New ‘SURFACE’ Tablet, Powered By Windows 8. IDC, Yo.
Microsoft has announced their own tablet, called Surface. It’s 10.6 inches, is going to run on Windows 8, and will probably not convince any iPad users to jump ship.
Scientists Create SYNTHETIC SYNAPSE; The Rubicon Has Been Shit On.
There’s been a breakthrough in the development of synthetic synapses, and it’s a goddamn privilege that I even get to type that sentence. We’re flying head first into the future, folks. What is even more impressive is that soon that head is going to be cyber-nano-non-organic.
Japan Successfully Broadcasts 8K Signal; Our TVs Hate Themselves
Like your TV? It’s a piece of shit! A carp sandwich. Over in Japan they’re pushing the pace, daring our TVs to not think of themselves are relics. Detritus.
A VIRUS That Creates ELECTRICITY? Oh, You Scientists, You.
A virus that creates electricity. Just think about that shit in your brain-stem for a moment, augmenting it with this further thought. It’s real. It’s really real. Welcome to the future where the computer you’re watching furry-snuff porn on is powered by virii generating electricity from the thumping of your stroke hand.
BIONIC EYE Expected To Help Blind See By 2014. YEAH, SCIENCE.
Ah, this is some wonderful post-humanism shit right here. I don’t know why we aren’t vat growing organs and appendages yet (I’m sure there are good reasons, I just don’t want to know them), but this is equally outstanding. Bionic eye time! Cyeah!
Scientists Have Found A Way to Regenerate Muscle Tissue After Heart Attack. Hee-Yay!
I’m one bad Diet Dew binge away from snapping and popping in my heart-piece. I know this. Just one bad day. So the news that scientists have found a way to generate muscle tissue after my inevitable collapse is fantastic.
