I don’t really know what that headline means. Truthfully, I don’t really know what any of my headlines mean. Can I make it up to you? Offer you some compensation for suffering through my stupidity? I prostate myself before you and offer up this glorious Batgirl cosplay.

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I’m pretty sure Mass Effect 4 doesn’t exist. And the minds who have been charged with developing it are obscuring this fact with intermitten morsels of nothingness. Those Fucking Bastards returned at SDCC today, babbling on about the possibilities of the next installment. While offering pretty much nothing, outside of video of the Mako. Which is the best sign yet that they’re trolling us.

Images and video after the break.

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When Valve first revealed their controller for the Steam Hot Bot Your PC Games Console (and other sundry uses), it was a pretty fucking odd device. Such unconventional. Much out-of-box. But as time has progressed, the controller has become more and more homogenized into standard gaming fare. Case-in-point. The latest iteration of the fucker has gained a thumbstick.

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Yeehaw! It’s my favorite fucking column here on the Space-Ship Omega. Weekend Open Bar! The goddamn proverbial Royal Rumble around these parts. The obnoxious table of twenty at the Tavern. Here at Open Bar, anything goes. It’s the Weekend Long Column where I encourage you all to congregate. Use the comments section to opine about the NBA Draft. To declare your love for omnisexual Martians with Mommy issues. To post gifs of Honey Boo Boo. To share what you’re planning on sticking into your gut this weekend. Be it beer, pizza, or both (ideally). It doesn’t fucking matter, so long as it is in good spirits.

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Hironobu Sakaguchi is getting ready to drop his project on the Gaming World’s Collective Ass. What is this drop going to look like? I imagine a well-lathered, completely tanned elbow drop from the proverbial top rope. In other words, I have no idea and my imagination is running wild.

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We gotta get the ventilation system working here on the Space-Ship Omega. Okay. I know that. My phlegm-farts have been stinking up my cabin, floating through the grates, and now your milk steaks taste like ass soup. Apologies. In the meantime, let’s all indulge in some Monday Morning Commute. The one-stop shop for sharing all the easy, breezy, beautiful things you’re looking forward to this week. Just don’t list “my milk steak not tasting like your rectal leakage” as something to be anticipated. Please. I get it. Okay.

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Oh god. Prometheus. Oh lord. Not only does it exist and it happened and I paid for it, but now it’s threatening to infect the Marvel Movie Universe. The writer of the movie’s first draft is now tackling Dr. Strange. Here’s hoping the Blight on the Face of The Alien Franchise happened after the good sir contributed his draft. I’m staring hatefully at you, Damon Lindelof.

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Looks like momentum is picking up on the Hail Caesar! front. The Coen Brothers’ have cast two faces familiar to their enterprises to hold it down in the upcoming flick. And frankly the amount of bonerfiying sexiness between the two of them may break me.

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Here’s a “glimpse” at the new Mass Effect. But honestly it’s a whole goddamn pile of platitudes, empty rhetoric, “conceptual artwork” and happy horse shit. Someone give me a goddamn look at the actual game. Like, I’d take ten seconds of actually something over this minute+ of pretty much hot air.

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Raiding tombs fucks you up, yo. Or maybe it’s the thousands of bullets and arrows you use to perforate all the baddies that inevitably inhabit said tombs. Either way.

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