#August2016
Watch: Eleven confronts ‘Kanye Things’ in the Upside Down
hey bruh bruh @kanyewest is pretty scary inside @stranger_things thanks @mtv bruh bruh #vmas hey bruh bruh pic.twitter.com/cj8CdD2o5E
— Dominick Nero (@filminick) August 29, 2016
Well then. I applaud this.
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‘Stranger Thingers’ Season 2 will bring “Justice For Barb”, according to creators
Those of you who are seeking #JusticeForBarb will be getting some sense of, uh, Justice for Barb.
‘Stranger Things’ Soundtrack Release Date(s) Announced
Normally I wouldn’t embark upon vaguely clickbaity post titles. Namely because we don’t make money off clicks, no one comes here anyways, and I find it lame as fuck. However, there’s a bit more than a single date for the Stranger Things soundtrack’s release. Or should I say releases.
Monday Morning Commute: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!
rayguns | eugenia loli
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay! I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here, I’m here! Would you believe, would you somehow believe, that I didn’t get around to this column until today, Tuesday, because my wife and I had to go out to eat with a financial advisor last night? What life am I living? Who am I? Am I child-man in semen-crusted Star Wars shirts that dreams of being a man-child, or a man-child in dress pants who dreams of being a child-man in semen-crusted Star Wars shirts? The answer, of course, is that I am both. And the cognitive dissonance that arises from containing both entities in the Multitudes that Compromises Me (and Us all) sometimes gives me a nosebleed. Well, I’m getting the nosebleed from that, or the hundreds upon hundreds of milligrams of caffeine I ingest every day. One of those. Maybe both of those.
But I’m here now. But it’s Monday Morning Commute now. So here’s the deal now, Comrades. I’m about to fire off everything I’m enjoying this week, anticipating this week, looking forward to this week. Then you’re going to do me a solid!, a fucking solid!, and share your own list in the comments section.
Let’s be man-children posing as children-men posing as man-children together.
Watch: ‘Stranger Things’ and its Film References Side-By-Side
So, I’m not going to watch this because I have two episodes of Stranger Things left to go. But you should! ‘Cause I’m sure it is glorious.
Monday Morning Commute: The sky above the port was the color of television
Monday Morning Commute! On a Monday Evening! Truthfully, this tardiness is, relativistically speaking, pretty good compared to my usual antics. In fact, this column would have slithered out of my mind-hole earlier had the words come to me. Sometimes the Muses toss lightning bolts up your ass, and you feel Empowered. Emboldened. Surfing The Edge. Sometimes the Muses retreat to a 7-Eleven bathroom to trib with faeries and knaves and satyrs. Coating themselves in the slickening sugary confections we pass off as food, writhing in wrappers and detritus, orgasming in supplication to the Eternal Engine which neither Cares nor Notices us.
Today? For me? The Muses are fucking around with the fucking faeries in the fucking bathroom. But still, I persist. But still, I exist. Put that on a Hallmark card and staple it onto my forehead, I know it’s fucking lame.
Today? For me? I’m going to write this column anyways. Even though the Muses ain’t here. I’m going to tell you everything I’m excited about this week. Even though the Muses ain’t here. I’m going to ask you to join me, vapid, broken, banal me, in the comments section, letting me know what you are excited for this week. Even though the Muses ain’t here.
Well? Shall we?
Weekend Open Bar: The Fetish is the Fashion is the Fetish
Yesterday, I finished the last day of the summer class that I teach at UMass Boston. I am celebrating as only I, CaffDouche, can. Which is to say I’m currently eating Chez-Its, sipping directly from a 2 Liter of Pepsi Max, and playing Rise of the Tomb Raider after a long, under-caffeinated day. It’s a gratifying sensation to know that I’m done lesson planning (but not done working, this prole sallies forth like most others) for the summer. Six-weeks of being able to just beat that meat and game that game and read that comic without having to withdraw into pedagogical tomfoolery. But it’s also a bit melancholic, as six-weeks starts off sounding wonderful and slowly metamorphosizes into feeling interminable. These days, it feels culturally anathema to say you like your job. I do, though. Guilty. It’s rewarding, challenging, stimulating, and as dynamic as it gets.
I must not cop to that, though.
I’ll be ousted.
From my Millennial Generation, where self-loathing memes, anxiety, and a general pall seem to engulf the various news-feeds anyone internet-addicted and my age frequent.
Certainly, I understand the occasional bout of despair. The Earth is melting, when it’s not busy devolving into a rotting garbage heap. The United States’ election is being decided between a Crook and a Despot. We’re still not on Mars, we’re still fighting over oil and Sky People. So. Yeah. Certainly, I understand the occasional bout of despair.
But it’s exhausting man! And I won’t stand for it. Not today! Today, being the first day of my six-week break from wearing pants (I’ll be wearing shorts, but fuck pants until September 6). Not today! Being Saturday, the first day of my glorious weekend. Not today! Why, instead of leaning into the perpetual pall of misery and malaise, we could all embrace the glory of Weekend Open Bar!
‘Stranger Things’ Trailer: Netflix Series brings that Spielberg-King Vibe
This, this looks dope. I think I remember posting about Ryder being cast in a Netflix series a hot minute ago, but it was lost in the perpetual deluge of fecaltainment news I ingest. The trailer for the forgotten series has arrived, though, and it’s all sorts of masturbatory 1980s mystery. You know. Some Stephen King. Some Steven Spielberg. I’m sold though. I’m sold. You?
