[click to enlarge : now there’s a pun]

Dildos are awesome. That’s a universal fact. You disagree? Well, fuck you! I have thousands upon thousands of years of humans who think dildos are the Bee’s Knees, the Cat’s Pajamas, and other cool stuff.

Boom:

via livescience:

The carved bone was unearthed at a Mesolithic site in Motala, Sweden, that is rich with ancient artifacts from between 4,000 to 6,000 B.C. The area’s unique features may have allowed bone artifacts, which usually get destroyed over the millennia, to survive.

“It’s an organic object, that’s why it’s special,” Gruber told LiveScience. “Normally when we excavate early Mesolithic sites we never get the organic material. But this site where we’re excavating now is along the shoreline. The preservation is very good here — it’s been lying in the bottom sediments and clay layers of the river, and it’s been well preserved there.”

The dildo-like object is about 4 inches (10.5 cm) long and 0.8 inches (2 cm) in diameter.

It’s not the first time that such a phallic object has been found from the ancient world. Another item strongly resembling a penis was unearthed in Germany in 2005. That one is even older — dating from 28,000 years ago — and made of stone.

As I tumble towards the certainty that I am going to amount to nothing, I’ve come to a new conclusion. I’m going to begin crafting dildos out of melted down Nintendo Entertainment System cartridges, and hiding them. So, god willing, in four to five-thousand years, someone can dig up my dildo. This is my new (hopefully) attainable goal.