#July2013
‘STAR WARS EPISODE VII’ PRODUCTION TITLE REVEALED. Shooting in August. Maybe.
Yum! Yum! Yum! I am the Star Wars swine! I gobble up every morsel of Star Wars news. Turn away appalled as I gnash my teeth, getting gristle and grease up and down my jowls. Turn away as I rub the remnants of the non-news all over my sores-besieged corpus in a state of near arousal.
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ULISES FARINAS draws sexy TATOOINE LANDSCAPE
No, this is not new. But yes, my obsession with Ulises Farinas is new. Ever since our own J-Hawtsauce dropped the brilliant son of a bitch on my mind last week, I’ve been scouring Internet for more of his wonder.
Then I came across this.
The glory, the glory.
JOHN WILLIAMS CONFIRMED to score NEW ‘STAR WARS’ TRILOGY
J. Willy is in the fucking house, folks! The iconic composer has been confirmed to score the next trilogy in the Star Wars saga, and here is hoping he drops more than one memorable tune in these next three movies. ‘Cause yeah, all I remember is the uber-dope “Duel of the Fates.”
Opinions Vary: Summer Movies Should Be More Than Fleeting Entertainment
[Caff note: Pacific Rim spoilers in here.]
I. Preamble
One of the neat things about such a small, tight-knit community is that narratives can begin to grasp hold. Throughout this very summer, the lot of us have discussed the latest crop of Whiz-Bang Hollywood Fecaltainment. As the movies have arrived, we have all received them in a variety of manners.
More than anything, I think I could be typified as generally disappointed by this latest crop. As movie after movie has been released I have been somewhat entertained. But for the most part, I have found them to be ephemeral, forgettable piles of crap.
Butting heads with even my own brother who (whom?) I typically see eye-to-eye with, I began to ask myself why I’ve been so disappointed. I figured I’d use this Opinions Vary to articulate my feelings. Namely, that this summer’s blockbusters have been bereft of Goosebump Moments, and that I don’t (and shouldn’t) accept middling efforts when this very genre is capable of capstone experiences and inspirational wankery.
‘EPISODE VII’ RUMOR: RYAN GOSLING and Zac Efron UP FOR ROLES
I feel like I have to apologize every time I write about an Episode VII rumor. Listen. As the teenager hip people say: sorry I’m not sorry.
LUCASFILM: ABRAMS AIN’T LEAVING ‘EPISODE VII.’ FARACI shrugs, PAGE VIEWS INTACT.
I probably shouldn’t criticize Devin Faraci for drudging up nonsense rumors, when I covered those same rumors. Whatever. I get three page views a day, and make no money. Faraci gets paid, and seems to generally giggle while stoking the flames of geeks across the internet. Wielding the hammer of God (or Thor, their parent company owns him), Lucasfilm has smote the rumors that Abrams is leaving Episode VII.
WATCH: That original BOBA FETT SCREEN TEST. You know, Jango’s clone.
It must be “Hey, check out old as fuck Star Wars footage week.” You know, in honor of America. I don’t mind, though! Not one bit. The latest footage is from Boba Fett’s first screen test. From way, way back when. Prior to the days when Boba was just some annoying-as-fuck clone of Jango Fett.
Oh.
You Prequels.
Fuck.
WATCH: C-3PO RAPPING in this 1986 ad for STAR TOURS
The best part about this video is the delicious irony of C-3PO lamenting the fact that he’s being use to promote something. It’s like, bro. Just wait thirteen years. You’re going to be a straight-up product pimping machine. (If he wasn’t already, I was three in 1986. Much like these days, all I remember from back then was crapping my pants.)
But whatever. Hit the jump for some groovy C-3PO rhymes.
A Treatise on the Defense of J.J. Abrams and the World of Into Darkness: A Warrior’s Tale
[Caff Note: A good friend of Rendar and myself wrote this rather awesome defense of Star Trek Into Darkness. I imagine he saw dullards like me bashing it, and decided to wave a righteous saber. Despite not seeing eye to eye with him, I demanded that he allow me to share it here. Enjoy.]
Into Darkness. What’s in a title? Nothing (if you ask me). However, Into Darkness attempted to conjure into the minds of the would-be viewers a universe that was literally entering into a ‘darker’ world. Into Darkness is the post 9/11 Trek – a world in which, yes, you can die. Into Darkness has a body count that would rival the epic end of Commando. More humans (not Vulcans) die in this film than in any other Trek film. San Francisco is literally leveled to the ground at the end of the film. Is this a forward direction for Trek? Did Abrams destroy a franchise that deserved something more?
‘STAR WARS: EPISODE VII’ Rumor: Story stars UNCLE LUKE, AND JEDI KIDS.
I don’t particularly buy this rumor, but I really dig anything Star Wars related. So I’ll indulge it. If the latest batch of boiling nonsense is to be believed, Episode VII is going to be starring Uncle Luke and his Force-sensitive niece and nephew.
