#December2013
‘STAR WARS’ launches INSTAGRAM account with DARTH VADER SELFIE. Blargh.
Did you need anymore proof that Darth Vader has been beaten into the ground? Stripped of his fear-inducing presence by constant whoring out to various promotions? Well, if you did — here it is. Star Wars has gotten itself an Instagram account, and the first official picture is that of Vader taking a selfie.
Hit the jump to bask in the suck.
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‘EPISODE VII’ SCRIPT CHANGES have casting call looking for “40-SOMETHING MILITARY MAN.’
Gruff and tumble! Or some shit. Nothing says “Jesus Christ the Episode VII script is fly by night!” much like the fact that we’re seeing the casting calls evolve as said script does.
‘STAR WARS: EPISODE VII’ WILL BE RELEASED ON DECEMBER 18, 2015. Christmas Present ++
This is the most merry of Christmas presents. Or the worst present I’ve ever received, should it suck and blow at the same time. Well, second only to that time my Uncle Jupiter filled a box with his pubes and a rattlesnake. But fuck him and fuck my facial scar.
‘EPISODE VII’ CASTING SHEET sort of suggests MAIN CHARACTERS AREN’T SKYWALKERS OR SOLOS.
You’re tired of my dry-humping Episode VII speculation until the skin leaves my testicles in hardened, red clumps? I don’t know what to tell you. I’m excited about this enterprise. Very excited. Latest batch of news surrounds a Disney casting sheet which suggests the main characters of the next trilogy ain’t Skywalkers or Solos.
‘EPISODE VII’ RUMOR: Chiwetel Ejiofor up for a role! Nice++
The uber talented star of 12 Years A Slave Chiwetel Ejiofor may turn out to be Force Sensitive. Or Han Solo’s dad. Who the fuck knows. What we do know is (we don’t know for certain) that the good sir may up for a role in Episode VII.
I’ll take it.
Watch: ‘SUPER SMASH WARS’ is the Nintendo x Star Wars Mash-Up You Want.
James Farr has created the most illy (I know that word sucks, fuck you) of Nintendo x Star Wars mash-ups. Combining characters, and music the little video is a worthy homage to both glorious universes.
Go! Go watch it! After the jump!
‘EPISODE VII’ Rumor: DISNEY CZARS demanding that FILM RELEASE IN 2015
It appears that Disney is fucking demanding that Episode VII drop in 2015. The franchise has been sold from a Tyrant to a bloated room of Money Grubbers. This was all known, but I hoped it wouldn’t impact the movies poorly. Others said differently. I suppose my more skeptical friends can take a free shot at my genitals. I will warrant it for now!
Watch: ORIGINAL ‘STAR WARS’ BLOOPER REEL
…Cause when you’re tired of laughing through tears about midi-chlorians, there is nothing better than seeing some genuine laughs from the cast of The Trilogy.
‘STAR WARS’ RUMOR: DARTH VADER TV SPECIALS PLANNED.
Darth Vader TV specials? Hmm. They’re pretty much just going to consist of Darth Vader walking around like Sad Keanu muttering, “Padme…Pad…me? Buh-buh-buh what about Padme?” while Palpatine regrets saving his ass. Right?
(Hit the jump for actual info.)
‘STAR WARS REBELS’ VILLAIN REVEALED: The Inquisitor. WHERE IS VADER?!
So the first new character in the Star Wars Universe since the Disney buy has been revealed. He is also the homie that is going to be tormenting the heroes of Star Wars Rebels. First thought? Where the fuck is Vader? But then I was like — I suppose they need to give the heroes someone they can defeat. Since like, Vader hangs on for twenty years before getting rocked by Old Saggy Face and his hick son.
