#January2014
Boner Rumor: PIXAR making ‘STAR WARS’ movie.
Sorry, sorry. So much Star Wars. I get it. We only cover Star Wars and Marvel. I’ll fall on my fucking lightsaber later. For now let’s contemplate a Pixar-powered Star Wars movie. Here, I’ll pop off my pants first. Air out the rapidly swelling pink bits. You can follow suit if you see fit.
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‘EPISODE VII’ News: Ford, Fisher, and Hamill due on set THIS SPRING.
Zounds! It’s really happening. Really, really happening. And I can’t help it, I’m torqued. Carrie Fisher says Hamill, Ford, and she will be on set soon. On fucking set. Ignite lightsaber. Watch your eyes.
Abrams says ‘EPISODE VII’ script is done. Confirms Meth Damon (Jesse Plemons) rumors.
The script for Episode VII is done! Thank goodness. I didn’t know how long it was going to take Abrams to shoehorn all of his fan service before finally stapling down on the final product (just kidding only slightly though ’cause of reports that he wants Ep. VII to be original character-centric). So yeah! Oh, and the Guy Who Flared also confirms something rather gnarly. You know, the rumors that Meth Damon could maybe be a Skywalker.
Jesse Plemons (METH DAMON) considered for ‘EPISODE VII’ LEADING ROLE
Meth Damon! Jesus Christ! That scary, dead-eyed motherfucker! He’s seriously going to be considered for a leading role in Episode VII? I mean the kid has chops as long as he’s playing a dead, sociopathic, terrifying fucker. Like, but, a Skywalker?
Disney seeking COHESIVE ‘STAR WARS’ CANON. EU friends, freak out.
One of the big questions that arose from Disney continuing the Star Wars cinematic universe was, “Jesus Christ, what is going to become of Star Wars canon?” It sounds like Disney is wondering this same thing. Taking steps to address it going forward. But not yet having the answers.
‘STAR WARS’ comics are moving to MARVEL. No Duh++
Double-dipping on the Star Wars news today. Sorry! Sry. Gomen ne. Word has come down that Disney is doing the obvious — namely giving Marvel the license to Star Wars comics. A bit of a no brainer, considering that The Anti-Semite Mouse owns the House of Ideas.
BOBA FETT movie is being written by LAWRENCE KASDAN.
A Boba Fett movie is coming! It is being written by Larry Kasdan! The two factoids mating with one another should be capable of producing a gooey batch of excitement all over me. Then, I remember. Boba Fett is just the slap-dick clone of some loser who gets owned like a punk by some shit Jedi. Larry. Listen close. Ignore his history. Ignore it.
‘STAR WARS’ HOLIDAY SWEATER brings the Wampa to Santa’s Time.
Yeah, you’re special. So am I. We’re totally unique in our ugly Christmas sweaters. It’s cool – it’s “cool” – but is it cool like a sweater featuring Hoth Luke and his Wampa opponent? Decisive answer: fuck no.
‘STAR WARS: ATTACK SQUADRONS’ announced. FREE! multiplayer space combat. Oh god.
Oh god. Oh yes. Star Wars: Attack Squadrons has been announced. A free-to-play dogfighting game featuring all of the classic space ships from The Universe. I am sprung. Sprung, I say! Watch out, my lightsaber is igniting! Easy penis-to-saber puns! For everyone! Wee!
Hit the jump for the teaser trailer.
‘STAR WARS: EPISODE VII’ SCRIPT isn’t due UNTIL JANUARY. Hey, whatevs.
The Episode VII script was junked. George Lucas caterwauled. Now Abrams is in the hood, unfucking the script from scratch with Larry Kasdan. No problem, right? It’s just that, you know, the movie is due out in two years.
