*DISNEY-LUCASFILM DARK CULT BRAINSTORMING SESSION* – “WHAT DO PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE IN STAR WARS?” “THEY FUCKING LOVE BOBA FETT” “FUCK YEAH! AND FUCKING HAN SOLO!!!” *ENTIRE ROOM HUFFS SOCKS FULL OF CRUSTED SHIT, MOANING AND RUBBING THEIR TITS* *IN UNISON* “WHAT IF WE MADE A MOVIE WITH FUCKING BOTH OF THEM?!!??!”

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OH GOD. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. We may get some Orphan Black in our Galaxy Far, Far Away. This is glorious.

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YEAHH BOIII. A new week, a new batch of Star Wars non-news. Last week the Phat Web Pipes reported that Some Guy Whose Name I Forget was moving one from his writing duties on the franchise’s first stand-alone flick. Now comes word that Simon Kinberg is going to take the reins.

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HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BUY A ROTISSERIE CHICKEN AT STOP & SHOP WITH NEWS LIKE THIS BREAKING? One minute I leave the house. Then I’m on my phone AND STAR WARS-SHIT IS BLOWING UP. Had to punch an old lady in the kidney to get through the doors faster. FART IN A FUCKING LITTLE KID’S FACE to cut the self-checkout. But here I am. Telling you this: Gareth Edwards is in charge of the first Star Wars movie. NOW CAN I COOK MY FUCKING BROCCOLI? Edwards? Love or hate Godzilla, he has a gorgeous eye. The writer for this standalone flick? Fucking gross.

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