This is still a rumor. But frankly, Hollywood is so unimaginative and committed to exploiting past successes that I don’t doubt it in the least. I mean, why till new ground?

Read the rest of this entry »

One of my gravest fears regarding Episode VII is that it will traffic in nostalgic and throwbacks. It won’t carve out its own niche in a flourishing Universe, but rather go full Abrams and regurgitate tired tropes and been-done characters. This latest rumor only heightens that fear.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fuck yeah, Lucasfilm! Fuck yeah, ABC. I’m glad to see you two ding-dongs are finally getting together to talk Star Wars TV show. Now you just need to realize the glory that would be a Chewbacca spin-off. He dumps Solo’s dumb ass, moves to Coruscant, and looks for love.

Read the rest of this entry »

Yum! Yum! Yum! I am the Star Wars swine! I gobble up every morsel of Star Wars news. Turn away appalled as I gnash my teeth, getting gristle and grease up and down my jowls. Turn away as I rub the remnants of the non-news all over my sores-besieged corpus in a state of near arousal.

Read the rest of this entry »

Why is this news? Because I jack off into a sock that I’ve fashioned to look like Chewbacca! That’s why. A new Star Wars is less than a year from filming. Oh God, the texture of my nipples as I type that sentence.

Read the rest of this entry »

Oh golly gosh! A new Star Wars  project is coming, tipped off courtesy of some blunt-force domain registrations. Just what is Star Wars 1313? More money for the Fuck Face.

Read the rest of this entry »