[Variant Covers is a column every Tuesday that breaks down the various titles coming out that week in the world where a dude who is a Levi’s model and clearly touched can be a superstar penciler.]

Deadpool Corps #1

Pop-quiz, fuckers! What’s better than one Deadpool being drawn by Rob Liefeld? Uh! How about an entire fucking squad of Deadpools rolling out, being penciled by my favorite idiot savant? Oh hell yes. Deadpool Corps #1 comes out this week, and I’m fucking stoked. It’s like being excited for a train wreck. My love for the unhinged genius that is Rob Liefeld is well-documented. So this week’s title of the week can’t be anything less than a testament to the utter insanity that is Rob Liefeld and Deadpool.

I mean, we’re not just talking about Deadpool here. No, no, no. We’re talking Deadpool and his merry gang of uh, other Pools? I don’t really know who or what the fuck these people are. But I know they’re called Headpool, Lady Deadpool, Dogpool and Kidpool!

WHAT! No seriously, what the fuck is going on here.

And if you take a gander at the picture, you’ll figure out what I already have; apparently they have lightsabers and are hurtling through space. And Headpool is a disembodied skull. Just fucking insane.

I have no idea what the premise of this title is, nor do I really care to. I’m going to buy it on premise alone. It’s such a throwback to the insane 1990’s and absurd post-modern behavior that I have to buy it. Rob Liefeld is a slice of pizza wrapped in bacon. Even while you consume it and know what an asshole you are for enjoying something so filthy and bad for you, you can’t help but smile. I’m on this like fucking woah.

Superman: Secret Origin #5

With all the zombies running around trashing shit and eating brains in the DC Universe, I’ve missed out on following this series. It’s got a recipe for awesome in the creative team. Geoff Johns is the Czar of all things DC, and when he’s not writing awful, awful, heavy-handed, mind-bogglingly shitty dialogue in Blackest Night, I’ve enjoyed him. And then there’s Gary Frank, whose pencils on all thing Superman generally get my loins aflutter. Even though I’m beyond fatigued with every artist interpreting Superman within the funny books as Christopher Reeves, I don’t mind Frank pulling such a stunt.

Why? I don’t know, I guess I find him gorgeous.

Issue #5 of this shit sees Superman finally throwing down with Metallo, which is what every Superman origin story should find him doing. Are you listening, Christopher Nolan? At the end of a Superman origin, the guy needs to punch the crap out of something. He doesn’t need to be shanked by Lester Burnham. Seriously.

I feel bad for having not checked out this series yet in full. Pepsibones bought the first couple of issues, and I skimmed it and said something like “Nice artwork, I have to take a shit” and left it at that.

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