Jesus Christ, fucking aliens are real! How do I know? How don’t I know, broseph. Take in point the recent unveiling that NASA had photoshopped Saturn’s moons. What are they hiding? The god damn V fleet and its lumbrous, methodical march towards us, to eliminate us and rape us with their fucking reptile cocks and vaginas!

io9:

A conspiracy theorist noticed that an image in NASA’s Astronomy Picture Of The Day had noticeable Photoshop brushstrokes in it, when you turned up the contrast. Is there a mysterious object hiding near Saturn’s moons?

A YouTube user named DominatorPS3 turned up the contrast on the image, and discovered brush strokes. You can just about see a “rainbow aura” around the object that’s been blacked out.

DominatorPS3 said: “More solid proof of NASA/ government cover-ups. And this is recent. You can do this yourself!!” Dominator PS3’s tell-all YouTube video has been taken down, allegedly because he received death threats. But he’s put up a follow-up video, which you can watch here

The truth is fucking out there, yo! Good job to Lies Assassin DominatorPS3 for their exposing of the Truth Killers over at NASA! With a name like DominatorPS3, you pretty much know this person is fucking legit. Who wouldn’t believe this person? A fascist pig from NASA, Emily Lakdawalla, tried to explain their covering up of Eradication Army X:

io9 via planetary.org:

Cassini takes color pictures by snapping three sequential photos through red, green, and blue filters. In the time that separated the three frames, Dione moved, so if I did a simple color composite I would be able to make Titan look right, but not Dione; or Dione look right, but not Titan. So I aligned Dione, cut it out, and then aligned Titan, and then had to account for the missing bits of shadow where the bits of Dione had been in two of the three channels.

As if I was going to believe that shit! Nice try Emily, if that’s even your fucking name! For all I know, you’re probably an alien plant, working from within the government. Pfft. You may trick the proles, but I ain’t falling for that shit. Neither are the legions of Veracity Warriors that I roll with!

To arms!

A mere 20 light years away lies Gliese 581g. Or is it rotates? Gliese 581g is apparently habitable. I hateto   get excited about this shit, but then the geek-porn potential overwhelms me and I begin writhing in ecstasy. Still though, it’s probably a load of god damn scientific voodoo! Like gravity! And the electric razor!

io9:

The planet, found by astronomers at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and the Carnegie Institution of Washington, is orbiting in the middle of the “habitable zone” of the red dwarf star Gliese 581, which means it could have water on its surface.

Liquid water and an atmosphere are necessary for a planet to possibly sustain life, even it it might not be a great place to live, the scientists said.

The scientists determined that the planet, which they have called Gliese 581g, has a mass three to four times that of Earth and an orbital period of just under 37 days.

Its mass indicates that it is probably a rocky planet and has enough gravity to hold on to an atmosphere, according to Steven Vogt, professor of astronomy and astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and one of the leaders of the team that discovered the planet.

Jesus Christ! Science speak is as bad as politician banter! So, pretty much they may have found something that is potentially possessing the possibility of having water. Wellllll, I suppose that’s a start, right?

The above galaxy is NGC 300. Yeah man, what a drag of a name, no? NGC 300 just happens to be one of the brightest galaxies in the night sky, and as such it deserves a better nomenclature then it has been given. How about Sexy Pink Things? It’ll conjure up beauty, then sexiness, and then perhaps a perfect way to segue into some sexy-time whilst gazing at the cosmos. I’m reaching, but that’s what I do. What’s remarkable about NGC 300 are the fluffy pink clouds that adorn the gorgeous son of a bitch. What are they? I’ll tell ya! Well, actually, io9 will.

io9:

Located in the Sculptor Group of galaxies just six million light-years from Earth – barely any distance at all in intergalactic terms – NGC 300 is one of the brightest galaxies in the southern skies, and any amateur astronomer in the southern hemisphere should be able to spot it without much difficulty. Of course, a pair of binoculars won’t reveal the amazing detail that we can see in this photo taken by the Wide Field Imager at the European Southern Observatory’s La Silla Observatory in Chile.

The pink spots, which almost make it look as though the galaxy has come down with a case of galactic chicken pox or measles, are energetic star-forming regions. These bright nebulae are so packed with new stars that they’re easily distinguishable from the fainter, wispier parts of the rest of the galaxy. You can click on the image up top for a closer look at NGC 300.

On NGC 300. You’re so cute, with your star-forming regions. Seriously though, it’s a pretty sexy galaxy, and its a bit of a mind-warp to consider how many stars must be there in the nebulae to light up so much brighter than the rest of the galaxy.

There’s your space porn for the day.

That sexy spiral in the cosmos is hiding behind it a nascent star. While I can’t do math, and I don’t know the powers of gravity, I can’t help but marvel at the sexosity of the universe and nature. Yeah I know, totally played out common trope here at Omega Level. Alas, alack. What can you do? Let’s kick it over to io9 for an explanation of what we’re looking at.

Hubble via io9:

The striking picture shows what appears to be a thin spiral pattern of astonishingly regularity winding around the star, which is itself hidden behind thick dust. The spiral pattern suggests a regular periodic origin for the nebula’s shape. The material forming the spiral is moving outwards a speed of about 50,000 km/hour and, by combining this speed with the distance between layers, astronomers calculate that the shells are each separated by about 800 years.

The spiral is thought to arise because LL Pegasi is a binary system, with the star that is losing material and a companion star orbiting each other. The spacing between layers in the spiral is expected to directly reflect the orbital period of the binary, which is indeed estimated to be also about 800 years.

Gorgeous. While my fat brain can’t process the specifics, I know enough to appreciate this symmetry. The fabric of the universe is weaved with spaceporn.

As you may or may not know, I’m a pretty big fan of the universe. And one of those reasons is the staggering relativity it presses upon us. Check out Hurricane Earl from space, as its enormity is captured like a sexy son of a bitch. [Then contemplate how despite how enormous this may look, neither Earl nor Earth is anything of impressive size in comparison to bullshit in our own solar system.]

Oh, outer space. Your enormity is staggering. Today’s latest example is god damn impressive. As is much of what is out there in the cosmos. Today we’re looking at a six-trillion mile wide circle of gas, encircling a supernova.

via io9:

A 6-trillion-mile-wide ring of gas encircles a supernova in the Large Magellanic Cloud, Supernova 1987A, and the explosions from the supernova are lighting it up like a candle, creating what will become a glowing ring.

According to the Hubble Space Telescope’s news site:

An international team of astronomers using the Hubble Space Telescope reports a significant brightening of the emissions from Supernova 1987A. The results, which appear in this week’s Science magazine, are consistent with theoretical predictions about how supernovae interact with their immediate galactic environment.

God damn. Even fiery apocalypse burn death time is gorgeous in this galaxy. That shit is so beautiful. Why is it when I finally shed this mortal coil, I’m just going to be a bag of varicose veins and crappy diaper? I call shenanigans, universe. Ain’t fair.

In my sci-fi travels, I span the cosmos. Sometimes, I’m a near-omniscient hero named Totally Omniscient guy. And in those travels, in my mind, within my dreams, I can do totally cool stuff. Like give an entire nebula shaped like a rose to Mrs. Caffeine Powered. She fawns, and faints, and then gives me quite a pleasant kiss on the cheek.

Behold the Rosette Nebula:

io9:

The Rosette Nebula is located between 4,500 and 5,000 light-years away in the constellation of Monoceros, which translates to the Unicorn. The nebula’s less flowery name is NGC 2237, and it’s home to one of the brightest star clusters in the night sky. NASA explains:

At the center of the flower is a cluster of young stars called NGC 2244. The most massive stars produce huge amounts of ultraviolet radiation, and blow strong winds that erode away the nearby gas and dust, creating a large, central hole. The radiation also strips electrons from the surrounding hydrogen gas, ionizing it and creating what astronomers call an HII region.

A rose-shaped nebula? God damn. Pretty romantical, innit? We see what we want to see, us humans. And sometimes, nestled within something as pretty as the cosmos, we see roses.

I always thought that dark matter was something that was made up. Like, some astrophysicist had a bad day, realized every equation they were working on was broken, and used something from a copy of Fantastic Four to fix everything. DARK MATTER. But I don’t know anything. I’m not an astrophysicist, I can’t even do math. Though I can read comic books. So, so well.

Well, apparently, NASA has taken a picture that gives us a glimpse at dark matter? Maybe?

Nasa via io9:

In their new study, the science team used images from Hubble to examine a massive cluster of galaxies, named Abell 1689, which acts as a magnifying, or gravitational, lens. The gravity of the cluster causes galaxies behind it to be imaged multiple times into distorted shapes, sort of like a fun-house mirror reflection that warps your face.

Using these distorted images, the scientists were able to figure out how light from the more distant, background galaxies had been bent by the cluster – a characteristic that depends on the nature of dark energy. Their method also depends on precise ground-based measurements of the distance and speed at which the background galaxies are traveling away from us. The team used these data to quantify the strength of the dark energy that is causing our universe to accelerate.

I have no idea if this is real or fluff, okay? I don’t possess the knowledge base to analyze the commentary, but I know it pretty much amounts to “Pretty cool theory may actually not be full of shit. May actually still be full of shit, though.” It sounds fun and the picture is pretty though! So there’s that!

Well then! The solar system turns out to be no better than my Mom, for it has been lying about it’s fuggin’ age for some time now. It’s okay solar system, I still think you’re gorgeous, and resplendent, et cetera. In fact, you have a nice, mature glow to you. Nothin’ to be ashamed about.

New Scientist:

Without celebrating a birthday, the solar system just got hundreds of thousands of years older.

To deduce when its first solid grains formed, researchers analyse structures up to a centimetre across found in meteorites. Such “inclusions” were created when gases cooled to form the sun and planets and are among the oldest solids in the solar system.

Now Audrey Bouvier at Arizona State University in Tempe, and colleagues, have analysed inclusions in a meteorite that fell to Earth in north-west Africa in 2004.

Based on the extent to which uranium-238 and uranium-235 isotopes had decayed into their daughter isotopes lead-207 and lead-206, they say the solar system is 4.5682 billion years old. That’s between 0.3 and 1.9 million years older than previous estimates, which relied on the Efremovka and Allende meteorites found in Kazakhstan in 1962 and Mexico in 1969, respectively.

Seriously, you can barely see the entropy, solar system. I won’t tell no one the truth, anyways.

Source: Hubblesite / Enlarge.

Yo! You think you had it rough in the school yard? Bully whup your ass? Yeah kid, you could have had it worse! Ask NGC 1911. This poor son of a bitch galaxy is having its arms ripped off by neighboring galaxies. Quit your bitchin’!

io9:

NGC 4911 and other spirals near the center of the cluster are being transformed by the gravitational tug of their neighbors. In the case of NGC 4911, wispy arcs of the galaxy’s outer spiral arms are being pulled and distorted by forces from a companion galaxy (NGC 4911A), to the upper right. The resultant stripped material will eventually be dispersed throughout the core of the Coma Cluster, where it will fuel the intergalactic populations of stars and star clusters.

The Coma Cluster is home to almost 1,000 galaxies, making it one of the densest collections of galaxies in the nearby universe. It continues to transform galaxies at the present epoch, due to the interactions of close-proximity galaxy systems within the dense cluster. Vigorous star formation is triggered in such collisions

Galactic insanity! And holy frak, the Coma Cluster is ridiculous. 1,000 galaxies? That’s got to be an interstellar condo-complex enough to make any aspiring slum lord hot.