#January2013
Jelly Fish Nebula stings the viewer with awesome. Oh God, terrible puns.
Finish up vomiting over the pun in this post’s title, and bask in the glory of the Jelly Fish Nebula. Light from this star reached Earth 30,000 years ago. Goddamn. I don’t know what you were doing back then, but I was tilling the plutonium fields for the Hyper-Evolved Shark people who roamed the world. Shame they were eradicated by the common cold.
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Mars is actually white. Well, this f**ks up our sayings.
Mars is white? This is probably not news to people smarter and more well-versed than myself. To me? It’s all fucking up my sayings. The Red Planet? The Pale Planet? The Superficially Red-y Planet?
Astronauts in deep space could face accelerated Alzheimer’s disease. Woof ++
I guess I should reconsider packing my bags and stowing away on the top secret Illuminati flights to Mars. Some of our science-wizardros have proclaimed that astronauts ravishing the deep space solar winds may actually be subject to accelerated Alzheimer’s disease. Not cool, man. Not cool!
Saturn’s dark side will haunt you. No force lightning though. Get it? Dark side?
Check out Saturn’s back-lit donkey! It is a wondrous image captured by the necro-astronomers, far beyond the pale of our Earth’s purview. I promise. I’m not making this up.
Astronomers discover “potentially” habitable “Earth-like” planet “near us.” Qualifiers ++
Let’s all double-down on the qualifiers here, people. A mere 12 light-years away lurks a planet that may be habitable. So even though we can never reach it, and we will never truly know, let’s all get excited.
The Collisional Ring Galaxy got that post-crash sexiness.
Look at NGC 922 all wilin’ out and shit. It’s got itself a decent sized collection of black holes, and nobody seems to know why. I mean, I think I have the answer but no one will listen to me. It’s trans-dimensional unicorns who use the reality-skin of that cluster as their interdimensional warp point. Every time they make a jump, it punctures the fabric just a bit more. Obviously. Right? Is this the DayQuil talking?
ISS ASTRONAUTS to be kept company by doll-like humanoid. This will end in tears.
In my mind, this story can only end in one of two ways. Either this little robot becomes sentient, and slaughters everyone in the ISS. Or someone falls in love with it, filling its nooks and crannies with their biological data. I can’t be the only one who feels this way, right?
VOYAGER 1 has entered the ‘magnetic highway’ as it prepares to leave solar system.
Fare the well, Voyager 1. You’re currently hauling ass through the “magnetic highway”, as you approach the limits of our solar system. Keep in mind our wonderful moments together. Recall, if you will, the time we built your ungrateful ass. Fawn over the concept of being the first object we’ve sent out of our solar system. Dearest regards.
NASA has discovered organic compounds on Mars. Or not. Equivocating like woah.
It’s time to get excited, while simultaneously not getting excited! NASA has unveiled that they’ve found organic compounds on Mars, except maybe they’re not from Mars. Yeah, wait, huh? Am I excited, or not? I have this pint of apple-urine deliciousness, but I need to know if I’m throwing it on a flower or drinking it with a smile. Someone. Tell me.
NASA discovers that MERCURY has water at its poles. G’damn space miracle.
How is this for unexpected. The planet closest to the Sun sports frozen water and its poles. The barren ball of Space Hell may contain the building blocks of life. Or something. God. Damn. Fascinating. Lord, I love it when scientist wizards find something so completely counter-intuitive to common beliefs. The mysteries of the Universe give our arrogance the finger, lurking behind the pale of discovery.
