#June2014
Sun moodily issued forth GIANT SOLAR FLARES this morning
Sun’s all like. Bro. Your dumb shit blog is dominated by the Electronic Entertainment Expo news. Dumb shit blog. Dumb event. You want news, bro? *Clenches Sun Abdomen and uncorks giant Sun Fart aka Solar Flare* There’s your news.
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Report: NASA totally *can’t afford* manned missions to Mars
So like, bummer. NASA has issued forth a report that finds that the agency cannot afford manned missions to Mars. Inflation and all that happy horseshit precludes the Great Journey. But they ain’t giving up, instead asking the U.S. government to up said budget. C’mon, Uncle Sam. Hook it the fuck up.
Here’s FOUR GALAXY CLUSTERS getting their SMASH ON
Tired of Star Wars news? Agitated over the Edgar Wright departure? Here’s some perspective, friends. A goddamn gorgeous picture of four fucking galaxy clusters smashing into one another. Remember, we ain’t shit! So, yeah, that pop culture headache really don’t matter in the long run.
Jupiter’s “GREAT RED SPOT” is shrinking. Nothing gold can stay.
Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is fucking shrinking! Son of a bitch. That whirling dervish of a storm that’s been rocking since at least 1831 is down to the width of one Earth. How fucking pedestrian.
Japanese drink company planning to put FIRST AD ON THE MOON
This is real. But, you know. “When deep space exploration ramps up, it’ll be the corporations that name everything, the IBM Stellar Sphere, the Microsoft Galaxy, Planet Starbucks.”
NASA wants to send PLANET LIFE to Mars in 2020. G’luck.
NASA is fixin’ to send some plant life to the Red Planet in 2020. Listen, sounds cool. Right? But if I know one thing, it’s that the radiation on the planet’s surface is going to mutate this plant life. Create thirty-foot sentient Tree Beasts who will wait. Lurk. Build a tribe. And than annihilate the first humans to arrive. It has been written.
Still though, sort of fun?
Check out Uranus contrasted against the rings of Saturn
Spa-spa-spa-space! It’s not without its humbling glimpses into the perspective of It All. Here’s a pretty sexy image snagged by Cassini that features Uranus against the rings of Saturn.
Astronomers drop image of the “SERIAL KILLER GALAXY.”
Behold! Ph33r! (Leet speak is coming back, I promise.) Tremble in terror as you gaze upon the Serial Killer Galaxy. Astronomers have dropped this sexy image of the galaxy that gives no fucks about killing other galaxies.
HIDDEN OCEAN on one of SATURN’S MOON has been discovered
Enceladus! You sly piece of shit. You thought that you could simply fucking hide an ocean underneath your frozen space bollocks. What other sort of surprises are you not revealing? You seem chock fucking full of them! First plumes of water vapor, now this? Not bad for a moon that was thought to be geologically inactive like a fucking decade ago.
ASTEROID in our solar system GOT A RING SYSTEM.
Goddamn solar system, man. Goddamn space. Always dropping nipple-tightening new nuggets of awesomeness on the general populace. I mean, a fucking asteroid in our solar system has got rings? Fucking radical.
