#May2014
SpaceX reveals their “DRAGON V2” spacecraft. Astronaut Ferry A-Go-Go!
Elon Musk has revealed SpaceX’s first manned spacecraft, the Dragon V2. The motherfucker is designed to carry up to seven astronauts to the International Space Station, and hopes to be doing so by 2017.
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NASA wants to send PLANET LIFE to Mars in 2020. G’luck.
NASA is fixin’ to send some plant life to the Red Planet in 2020. Listen, sounds cool. Right? But if I know one thing, it’s that the radiation on the planet’s surface is going to mutate this plant life. Create thirty-foot sentient Tree Beasts who will wait. Lurk. Build a tribe. And than annihilate the first humans to arrive. It has been written.
Still though, sort of fun?
Astronomy Boner: FIRST EARTH-SIZED planet found in a STAR’S HABITABLE ZONE
Fucking killer, man. The first Earth-sized planet has been found in a star’s habitable-zone g-spot. Pack your fucking bags, man. Time to get off this rock. I’ll grab the Milwaukee’s Best, you conquer the transportation method. Fair deal?
NASA got a SPACE VEGETABLE PROJECT. Providing Space Lettuce, Soon!
SPACE LETTUCE, mofuckahs. The time is now, now, now. NASA’s Greens In The Black Expanse of Oblivion project is almost ready to bare…veggies. In space, no one can hear your kids scream about getting veggies! Other dumb intro sentences!
NASA almost got its new MARS-LANDING TECHNOLOGY ready for test
Yes, NASA! Yes! Hurry up with your wunder-technologies. I need to get off this fucking Blue Marble. I got a list of debts a mile long, a warrant in my name, and a boyfriend with genital warts who isn’t particularly happy about me. And a fiance and she ain’t happy about me having that wart-covered boyfriend neither!
Astronomers drop image of the “SERIAL KILLER GALAXY.”
Behold! Ph33r! (Leet speak is coming back, I promise.) Tremble in terror as you gaze upon the Serial Killer Galaxy. Astronomers have dropped this sexy image of the galaxy that gives no fucks about killing other galaxies.
HIDDEN OCEAN on one of SATURN’S MOON has been discovered
Enceladus! You sly piece of shit. You thought that you could simply fucking hide an ocean underneath your frozen space bollocks. What other sort of surprises are you not revealing? You seem chock fucking full of them! First plumes of water vapor, now this? Not bad for a moon that was thought to be geologically inactive like a fucking decade ago.
ASTEROID in our solar system GOT A RING SYSTEM.
Goddamn solar system, man. Goddamn space. Always dropping nipple-tightening new nuggets of awesomeness on the general populace. I mean, a fucking asteroid in our solar system has got rings? Fucking radical.
NASA astronomer finds first EARTH-SIZED planet in habitable zone. Pack yer bags.
Pack your bags! Once we can conquer the impossible and traffic faster than light, we’ve found our first stop. Motherfuckin’ Earth-sized planet has been spotted in the “juicy space spot”, where planets thrive. I’m just spit balling. I don’t really know what I’m talking about. Too busy fingering my ass in public and screaming “you’ll never find me where I’m going!” while wearing my NASA space suit.
NASA has recovered 7 “PRECIOUS” particles from the solar system’s birth
Wooorrrddd. While the Big Bang may have given rise to like, all of this, our solar system is a bit more of homey place. I can just feel Sol-related news more. I mean, it’s probably — I don’t want to sound cynical but it’s probably — the only solar system I’ll ever call home. So news that they’ve captured 7 particles from its birth is pretty gnarly, man.
