#June2013
‘FINAL FANTASY XV’ REVEAL TRAILER: Active Time Boner!
I’m running out of headlines, folks. Been blogging for a solid twelve hours now. I’m really enthused for this game. Maybe it’ll let me down. Maybe it won’t. The Diet Pepsi coiling itself around my brain stem tells me not to worry about it. To just take off my pants. Run through the lightly falling rain. Hide in a trash can. Eat banana rinds.
I should listen, right?
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‘FINAL FANTASY XV’ rises out of the ashes of ‘FINAL FANTASY XIII: VERSUS: INCOGNITO JAM’, and I’m pumped.
…and just like that, Square has convinced me to give them my heart. Again.
FIRST LOOK: The PLAYSTATION 4. HERE ARE MANY PICS OF IT.
So uh, yeah. More as it comes. I’m fine with it. (Seriously, do we really care about console designs?)
MINECRAFT CREATOR gets GOLDEN PSONE from Sony. MICROSOFT sends box of tacks to Team Meatboy.
Sony has sent the creator of Minecraft an invitation to an E3 Event in the form of a fucking golden PSOne. It’s awesome seeing Sony rolling out the red (golden? ha!) carpet for indie developers. Meanwhile, Microsoft is ripping the carpet out from underneath their indie creators’ feet. You know. Blowing smoke in their eyes, getting rid of their dedicated XBL channel, and telling them to be grateful to even be able to find a third-party publisher to push their pretentious swill.
Definitely different vibes from the two camps.
Press Start: XBOX Consumergeddon
So, about that new XBOX.
Only a week ago, Microsoft managed to enrage what seemed like the entire gaming sector of the internet with the announcement of the XBOX One. Now, for the non-gamers out there, the window-shopper if you will (otherwise why the fuck would you be reading this?) I should inform you that gamers, on the whole, are a fairly irrational bunch. Whereas most consumers can happily walk away from a product that just isn’t right for them, gamers – as part of their perpetual, existential quest – will desperately search for logic and some sort of conclusion as to why they shall not be purchasing the next new console. If anything, it’s almost as if we’re struggling to comprehend the idea that we’ve been told we can’t have the XBOX One: its list of baffling, anti-consumer ‘features’ being part of an effort to politely tell us to fuck off.
Playstation 4 announced – My Orbis is tickled; is yours?
Sony has unveiled their next-generation platform at today’s much anticipated Playstation meeting event. You can guess the name they went with.
In a two-hour event live-streamed through every major media outlet, the new console, its UI, its core features and its first games were shown off to the world for the first time. Let’s get to all the meat unveiled today.
Sony registers ‘PLAYSTATION CLOUD’ domains. Errbudy going intangible.
Last week, the WSJ reported that the PlayOrbis4 was going to feature a game-streaming feature. It made a lot of sense to me. Now there are reports that Sony has registered a slew of PlayStation Cloud domains, which can only mean one thing. Banana milkshakes. Trust me, it means just that.
‘PLAYSTATION 4’ being announced on February 20, motion-sensored arousal.
Is sensored a word? It is now! IDGAF. Oh boy. So yeah. Sony is announcing PlayStation 4 Wunder Pow! on February 20, which means I need to start rubbing dimes together. Here is hoping the Powers that Be at the company don’t drop another, “we want our customers to love our products so much they being selling seed and egg to afford us” on the crowd.
OUYA gets CHAIRMAN OF BOARD, continues to prove it is real.
I have to admit. I’m not really sold on Ouya being real. Seems way too cool. The minds behind the “product” continue to defy my skepticism, all naming chairmen and shit! Fooey! We will see who shall have the last laugh. Probably God, actually. Cackling right at the Heat Death of the Universe.
MARC WEBB confirmed to direct ‘AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2’, everyone take a web…shot! Ha!
I don’t give a fuck. My shitty puns are your bowel movements are my small moments of job. Marc Webb has been confirmed to direct the sequel to this summer’s quiet little superhero flick, and that’s all good to me. While I don’t have a particular love the vehicle, it had a lot of HEAHHHT and Emma Stone. People came down on it with hammers and claws, but they were just bitter assholes rightfully annoyed at how quickly the thing had been rebooted. Sure, the plot was a fudgy diaper. The plot for Avengers was too, and that didn’t stop people from throwing rope all over that film.
