Folks, I’m going to level with you. I had no idea Yuji Naka was still making video games. This is despite really loving Sonic, NiGHTS, and sort of admiring Burning Rangers. But, dude is still here. Making games. Now apparently, making games with Square Enix.

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Yeah, I called something regarding Sonic The Hedgehog sexy! You, you don’t? I’ve called a lot of things about Sonic The Hedgehog sexy, in fact! The latest? This sexy art book!

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Ah! Now I understand why Tim Miller left the Deadpool sequel. To develop and produce a Sonic The Hedgehog movie. Wait…what?

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Sonic The Hedgehog is getting itself into the movie game, courtesy of Sony Pictures People. My knee jerk reaction is to shit down the back of this news’ shirt, but the Lego Movie happened and now I hesitate to talk shit. About any property being optioned. (But this is going to suck, right?) Still though. Furry. Brimping. C’mon.

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Greg Martin is the man who is probably more responsible for crafting my lasting image of Sonic Fucking Blast Processing Hedgehog. Martin cut the box art for the Genesis series, and I can picture them all perfectly all these years later. Sadly the good sir has passed away, joining the series itself in Heaven. Get it? ‘Cause Sonic sucks now? Oh whatever.

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All week I’ve been vividly imagining the symbiotic relationship between Mountain Dew and Doritos whilst trying to figure out just how video games fit into it. Cross-promotion is a bizarre concept to me; I keep trying to see the links, the patterns and then I get scared and frustrated when it doesn’t all piece together. I’ve been having fevered nightmares about neon, corn-peppered shit slurry: really vivid, nasty stuff. I need to write this to exorcise them demons.

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