Dear Sega. If this isn’t a tease for an HD version of NiGHTS: Into Dreams, I’m going to cut you.

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I don’t give a fuck about Shenmue  or its sequel. I don’t. I know that deducts like, a zillion space-bucks from my e-peen, but whatever. So this news doesn’t do anything for me. However, there’s a lot of people that are going to be simultaneously joyous and apopleptic about this shit. If the rumors in the streets are true, Sega has been sitting on HD versions of Shenmue 1&2  for a year. Biding their time. Waiting.

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It’s difficult to review Binary Domain without getting caught up in the history of third-person cover shooters and how they are typically defined by western developers. Just for you though, I’ll refrain. After all, why would you want to hear my ramblings over how lackluster Gears of War 3 was, or how Quantum Theory is one of the worst games ever spawned from Satan’s shitty asshole? All you need to know is that Binary Domain is one of the most surprisingly entertaining and rewarding games I’ve played in years.

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Nuh-uh. You can’t trick me. Sonic has let me down consistently for a decade. I thought it was going to be back with Sonic 4, and then even that sucked. So the fact that Sonic Generations has pre-sales like a mofuckah’? Don’t mean a thing.

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I never played the Sega Master System. It’s one of the few consoles my childhood spoiled ass never touched. Now is my chance! I can taste it. For $5,000, I can own the whole fucking schbang.

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Sega’s announced their next Sonic game that will at first get you excited, and then ultimately let you down, ‘Sonic Generations.’ The pig is celebrating the 20th anniversary of Sonic, and it’s going to be a hybrid of old school gameplay and the more modern Sonic Adventure type bullshit.

Hit the jump for details, as well as the first gameplay video.

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French artist Ozcan rocked out a Dreamcast with a gorgeous Jet Grind Radio customization. God, I miss the days of Dreamcast, and JGR. I spent far too many hours lighting bullshit up with spray cans and bobbin’ my head to Jurassic 5 et others.

Hit the jump for the dude’s gorgeous customization.

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You know, if fucking Sonic 4 wasn’t announced and looking beyond super-gorgeous-time, I’d be bitter as fuck watching this video. But given the state of affairs, and that Sega may finally have gotten it, it just gives me a chubby for gaming lore, and geeks.

A dudebro who goes by the name of BlobVanDam recreated Sonic & Knuckle’s Mushroom Hill Zone in widescreen 2.5D awesomeness. It’s like peering into a manifestation of everything I’ve wanted out of a Sonic game since 1999.

At 47 seconds, it’s far too short. Just enough to get the parts a bit slushy with gaming lust, and then, done. Hit the jump to check out the video.

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Over at Boing Boing, they have the dopest article I’ve read in a long time. Insanely crazy/awesome dude Jake Adelstein is a Jewish-American reporter who spent twelve years as a crime beat reporter in Japan, and then parlayed that experience into what I understand is an excellent book. More recently, Adelstein got three yakuza to sit down and voice their impressions on Sega’s Yakuza 3. There’s hilarity and insight within.

Boing Boing:

Excerpt #1:

K: It’s like going back in time. Koma Theater is there, the pink salons, the Pronto Coffee shops, the Shinjuku Batting center, the love hotels.
S: You got your salaryman in there, the delinquent school girl and her sugar daddy, Chinese people, and even those Nigerian touts. What’s with all the fucking gaijin (foreigners) in the area anyway? It used to be just Japanese, Koreans and Chinese.
M: Don’t say gaijin. Say Gaikokujin. It’s more polite. Jake’s a gaijin.
S: Yeah, I forget sometimes. What’s with all the fucking gaikokujin in Kabukicho anyway?

Excerpt #2:

K: Kiryu is fighting all the time. He’s gotta be a fucking idiot. No yakuza is going to run around getting into fistfights like that. Especially not an executive type. He’ll wind up in jail or in the hospital or dead, maybe even whacked by his own people for being a troublemaker. These days, he’d probably get kicked out before even going to jail. Guys like that start gang wars and nobody wants that now. When a yakuza gets into a fight, it’s serious business.

Those are two clips from the entire article, which is surreal and engaging as I hope the two excerpts were. Get over to Boing Boing and check out the full-piece. Pull together an attention span that can persist for more than ninety seconds, and you’ll be rewarded. I promise.

Before you watch the video below, shave off all your pubic hair, pretend you don’t have wet dreams, and imagine you’re a fucking kid again. DO WANT.