#August2013
Science: Orgasms are good for your memory, brain. F**K SUDOKU.
I’m going to run with this report, even though I doubt the accuracy. The amount of procrasturbating I did in graduate school alone enough should have me with an elephantine memory. Yet I can barely remember where the fuck I put the keys. Or why when I find them, they’re in the litter box. Always the litter box.
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Lab-grown HUMAN HEART TISSUE beats on its own. Say wut? ++
I don’t know enough about them there bio-technological-wizardry to fully understand this article. Thankfully, sometimes this allows me an advantage. For example: this article is really blowing away my fat headed simian synapses.
HUMAN TOOTH grown using STEM CELLS taken from PEE. Discuss.
Yeahhh, boi! Getting some fucking teeth grown. Which is very, very good for me. I can literally feel my teeth rotting out of my head. Stem cells from pee? Stem cells from anything, just get me new chompers.
NASA FUNDING 3D FOOD PRINTER. The Future is CHEESE PRODUCTS FOR ALL.
NASA is funding a 3D food printer, folks. Coupled with dietary experts from’Murica, the aim is to get cheese poofs and pizza into the gullets of astronauts. And eventually the world. (This is actually all sorts of amazing.)
2 YEAR-OLD is youngest human to receive BIOENGINEERED ORGAN. Medicine ++
Here is a little heartwarming story wrapped in the comforting blanket of scientific progression. A 2 year-old has received an artificial windpipe that was grown from her own stem cells. Lords of Kobol willing, it shall be enough to save her life.
Volcanoes caused mass extinction before dinosaurs, which let those f**kers thrive.
What scientists have dubbed a “fucking shit load” of volcanic eruptions are now thought to be responsible for mass extinctions prior to the dinosaurs. Not only that, but this “fucking shit load” (their words, not mine) of eruptions also opened the door for the dinosaurs to run amok. Oh, you fucking volcanoes, you. You just didn’t want to let the mollusks have their due, did you?
First a baby, now 14 ADULTS “fuctionally cured” of HIV. Awesomeness and caveats.
This is righteous news. A total of 15 people have been confirmed as being “functionally cured” of HIV. There is a bit of a winding road that leads to both what constitutes their cures and how it is done, but the news is generally pretty awesome.
Bitcoin value hits all-time high, the Future smiles on us.
The Bitcoin thing doesn’t seem like a fad, yo. The value against the dollar is climbing, and climbing. These days it is worth more than $32 against our Imperial credits. All sorts of science-fiction, post-something-something is occurring. Huzzah!
Scientists have created a working (microscopic) tractor beam. We’ve done it, people!
Science Wizards know us, and our swollen geek glands. They know how to tenderly massage these glands, while whispering things. What do they coo? Many, many sweet nothings. One of my favorite barely audible murmurs that they hang on me is “we’re making it all come true, all come true!”
New Apple Patents outlines wireless charging method. The future be good.
Wires are only good for tying up your loved ones, and slowly spanking them. In my future, there is no place for those easily-tangled bastards outside of eroticism. Apple feels me! Apple feels me! A new patent of theirs outlines the future we’ve been waiting for, a future replete with wireless charging.
