#July2014
NASA: Testing laser-powered drill to explore Jupiter’s moon, Europa
How the fuck we going to explore Jupiter’s moon, Europa? Eh! It’s iced out as fuck! NASA got itself an idea of how to go about doing it, and it’s begun testing this idea. A fucking laser-powered drill.
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This will end well: DARPA wants to research “predatory” bacteria
It’s a goddamn toss-up these days. A goddamn toss-up between what fucking manmade blight-contagion-robot-apocalypse-eco-disaster will wipe us out. ALL OF THEM — ALL OF THEM having been the centerpiece of a movie at one point. Don’t we heed the warnings Silver Screen?! No, we don’t. I mean Jesus Fucking Christ, DARPA. Predatory bacteria?
NASA got a SPACE VEGETABLE PROJECT. Providing Space Lettuce, Soon!
SPACE LETTUCE, mofuckahs. The time is now, now, now. NASA’s Greens In The Black Expanse of Oblivion project is almost ready to bare…veggies. In space, no one can hear your kids scream about getting veggies! Other dumb intro sentences!
Oklahoma news station “accidentally” cuts evolution from ‘COSMOS.’
I still haven’t caught the first episode of Cosmos (slow your roll, it’s on the digital-video-recorder next to Workaholics, and Pork Pie Fluids Gluttony, okay? I’m getting to it), but apparently there’s a small mention of evolution. This small little spattering of evolution is something that I will see in my eventual watching. However some folks in Oklahoma won’t be able to thanks to an “accidental” promo that ran over it.
ISS Astronauts experimenting with WATER that ACTS LIKE FIRE. Srsly bros.
‘Cause they’re fucking astronauts! They’ll do what they damn well please. Water that acts like fire. Tang. Man, they got all the most glorious shit up there in space. Moon boots. Secret Illuminati bases on Mars. All of that.
Baller: DOLPHINS GET STONED by sucking on puffer fish.
Dolphins, man. The fucking best. Actually they’re raging fucking assholes. Or at least some of them are. Don’t want to be Dolphinist or something. Whatever. So the ones who are assholes need to hang out with the more chill of their kind. Take some fucking rips off of the ole puffer fish.
Astronomers (maybe) see GEYSER OF WATER ON EUROPA!
Europa squirts! Europa erupts! Astronomers have known that Europa has liquid water underneath its surface. Check. Known. However, there has never been direct evidence of said water. Until now.
Astronomers discover “planet that shouldn’t exist.” But it f**king does!
Oh, astronomers! You know so little! Or rather you present facts to us, we use phrases like “planet that shouldn’t exist” and then we’re up in your ass when you present findings about a “planet that shouldn’t exist.” So I guess it is us fat-brained proles who rather suck. Or just me. I suck.
Playing ‘SUPER MARIO 64’ makes YOUR BRAIN BIGGER. YEAH, SCIENCE.
Man. No wonder when I was thirteen I could remember every creature in the Cantina, recite lines from my favorite books, and generally have a more cogent experience drifting through the world. I played Super Mario 64 all fucking day.
COMPUTER can READ LETTERS DIRECTLY FROM YOUR BRAIN. Game Over, Man.
This is either terrifying game-over material, or the lube you’ve been looking for to stroke your cyberpunk bits with. A group of scientists Daring to Approach the Lords have concocted a way to read letters. Directly from your fucking brain.
