#February2012
Scientists Can Now Create Human Eggs From Stem Cells. The Rubicon Is Being Crossed.
Oh lord, we’re tampering with the Seals of the Cosmos. Exceeding our limits. 7-Eleven? Dubstep? Both tempt the Lords of Kobol to smite us. However if those haven’t incurred a Wrath in the Year of the Mayan Oblivion, this may finally do us in. We can now create human eggs from stem cells.
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FIGURED OUT: Why Astronauts Crave Spicy Food In Space. Thank Goodness.
The latest Mystery of the Universe has been figured out. When astronauts get their lucky asses up off this here Blue Marble, they begin to crave spicy foods. It seems that people didn’t know why, but they ever asked me and I would have explained it to them. They’re closer to Martian brain-wave manipulation. Obviously. Don’t buy my explanation? Some deceiver scientists offer a different one.
Printer Can Print Human Tissue For Drug Testing. No Words. No. Words.
A wizardlicious start-up named Organovo uses a 3D printer to blow your fucking mind. More specifically, with less vulgarity: they use a 3D printer to build a variety of human tissue types. Just go reread that sentence.
Then hit the jump.
Dude Survived Two Months Trapped In A Car By Hibernating. Wut?!
Now it all makes sense, Bovine America. Us fatty members of the Empire aren’t corpulent. No! We’re preparing for the day when we’re going to be trapped in our car underneath snow. We intend on hibernating! A talent I didn’t know we had.
Babies Can Understand What You’re Saying At 6 Months Old. F**k. S**t.
I often fret about the various dangers of me bringing a baby into the world. (There’s a lot of possible positive attributes, but I have no self-esteem.) One of the is my salty language. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I enjoy swearing. A smidge. A new study shows that babies have a grasp of what we’re saying way earlier than I would have expected.
Your Heartbeat Could Become Your Password. Futurism!
This is some science-fiction boner time right here. A team at National Chung Hsing University in Taichung, Taiwan have translated a human heartbeat into an encryption key. Stealing someone’s password is about to get pretty messy. Puns! Aha!
Scientists Have Broken Through To Earth’s Ancient Buried Lake
Lake Vostok in Antarctica has remained in isolation for 20 million years. However, Russian scientists are saying they’ve broken through and made contact with the lake. What is forthcoming is clearly going to be a real-life reenactment of The Thing.
Men Could Soon Blast Their Gonads With Soundwaves to Prevent Pregnancy. Oh Future! ++
There doesn’t appear to be a male birth control pill on the horizon yet, but there may be a way for us to take contraception into our own hands. Or testicles. Or something. Soundwaves. That’s right. Gentlemen, prepare to have your orbs walloped with some high-frequency chatter.
Scientists In California Create Star Matter. What Could Go Wrong?
Scientists in California clearly don’t care about bringing along the end of the Everything with their little experiments. They’ve done gone and replicated matter that can only be found in stars and giant planets. Oh who the fuck am I kidding, maybe it’s completely safe. And pretty rocking.
Mutant Rice To Help Japanese Farmers Recover From Tsunami Damage? Future ++
Hacking the Good Lord out of rice. That’s what some wunder-brains are up to, and this good ole Thwarting Of God’s Plan may help Japanese farmers recover from the damage of last year’s disaster.
