#April2014
HIDDEN OCEAN on one of SATURN’S MOON has been discovered
Enceladus! You sly piece of shit. You thought that you could simply fucking hide an ocean underneath your frozen space bollocks. What other sort of surprises are you not revealing? You seem chock fucking full of them! First plumes of water vapor, now this? Not bad for a moon that was thought to be geologically inactive like a fucking decade ago.
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CASSINI crosses Saturn’s Ring Plane. MAGIC TRICK occurs.
How about dis sheeeeeet? Cassini is rocking out, all gobbling up pictures of Saturn and shit when WHOOSH the goddamn rings disappear. Now you’re thinking what I’m thinking. The rings are techno-organic nano-bots that are operating as a hive mind. They’ve been activated, and now are en route to Earth. Close. We’re close. You see — actually we’re not close. It’s a matter of perspective.
Watch: SATURN’S TRIPPY JET STREAM
Up at Saturn’s north pole is a pretty bananas circulation of gas. Said circulation of gas forms the “north polar vortex” and the whole son of a bitch not only forms a hexagon, but it’s enormous. Astronomers have released a gif of the highest-definition capture of this vortex yet, and it’s trippy.
Hit the jump for more details and to check it out.
IT RAINS DIAMONDS ON SATURN AND JUPITER. Wut. It’s Chemistry, bitch!
Fuck blood diamonds. I’m finna be grabbing myself some fucking cosmic diamonds. Now apparently this is old news or some shit, but I had no goddamn idea. Time to fire up the rocketship kickstarter and explain how I’m going to make you your money back.
CASSINI captures EARTH and THE MOON from Saturn. Perspective++
Behold the wonder of perspective! Yeah, it’s a grainy piece of shit picture. Still though! What it signifies is pretty outrageous. Thurr be in that picture the Blue Marble and the Moon. As seen from Cassini up in Saturn’s hood.
Saturn’s 1,250 MILE-WIDE HURRICANE looks like maelstrom of death.
Cassini has captured one of a few rogue portals into Diablo’s Lair, this one being on Saturn. Look at that shit! A blood-churning blood-filled hurricane of doom! Oh, don’t give me anything about spectral filters. Or extrapolations. That is how it truly looks. I can feel it.
VENUS hiding in SATURN’S MAJESTY is space swoon.
Oh, Venus. The planet is playing coy in this picture, hiding from us. Though, it does have some help with the majesty of Saturn in this picture’s forefront.
Saturn’s got itself some HEXAGONAL CLOUDS, ain’t nobody know why.
Why does Saturn have hexagonal clouds? That’s a great, great question. Few minds have solved the riddle, and often those bodies have been found discarded in the dumpsters at the local Wendy’s Burger and Diarrhea emporium. Dare you attempt to solve the puzzle? Then dive further into this here article.
A storm on SATURN so frakin’ huge it wrapped around the planet. Blood + Thunder.
How is this for a storm. The wunder-object Cassini has picked up a thunder-and-lightning maelstrom on Saturn that is so goddamn enormous, it wraps around the entire planet. That is some straight not fucking around space right there.
