It’s approaching midnight and I sipping liberally from a recently-cracked open two-liter of Pepsi Max. This can only mean a few things. Diablo 3  has launched, my semester is over, and I may very well be dead by the time you read this. Slouched over all fucking South Korean internet cafe Starcraft  stylee. Should I continue sucking wind into the meatier part of this Wednesday, I shall be snagging some comic books. These are the ones I’m digging on. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to tolerate my stupidity and then augment my list with the titles you’re going to procure for an exorbitant sum. Especially if I don’t list your little binky title. I’m willing to riff on anything should you suggest it.

Don’t know what’s dropping? Hit up ComicList.

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VARIANT COVERS, the comic book column that fucking adores caps lock and funny books. VARIANT COVERS, the comic book column that covers all the new releases that I’m giggling over with wet panties and glassy eyes VARIANT COVERS, the column that encourages you to share your own picks of the week.

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The Arctic Marauder [Graphic Novel].
These are several things I hadn’t heard of until today when I was browsing various columns on tomorrow’s comic book releases: icepunk, The Arctic Marauder, and Jacques Tardi. I realize this makes me a philistine. I apologize. This graphic novel is a rerelease of a 1972 work by the aforementioned Tardi, and it has me intrigued.

Published by Fantagraphics, the concept sounds fucking outstanding, “Jérôme Plumier, whose search for his missing uncle, the inventor Louis-Ferdinand Chapoutier, brings him into contact with the sinister, frigid forces behind this – and soon he too is headed towards the North Pole, where he will content with mad scientists, monsters of the deep, and futuristic submarines and flying machines.”

Color me ignorant but trying desperately to correct the problem.

Sold.

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Fear Itself: Book of the Skull.
This would be the one-shot that is leading up to Marvel’s next event, Fear Itself. Normally I lob dung bombs at what I perceive to be obvious money-making measures in the comic book world. I know. However, I am also an  unprincipled  son of a bitch, and a huge Brubaker fanboy. What exactly is going to happen in this title? I don’t have a goddamn clue. But it does feature the Red Skull puking up Captain America and Namor, so there’s that.

If you’re really wondering, it has something to do with Red Skull’s daughter having all the dastardly secrets of her father, and she’s planning on doing…something also dastardly with them.

Also From Marvel: Uncanny X-Force 5.1. If you’re not reading this series, True Believers, this pig will catch you up. Trust me, it’s worth it.

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This is Variant Covers. Keep your fucking fingers off the cover. Mind the spine, yo. The comic book column where I spit with vitriol, glee, and mostly confusion about the books dropping this week. Hit the comments section with derisive, witty, or contributory recommendations and comments.

Shazam.

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Thor: The Mighty Avenger #6
My friends, we have failed. As comic book reading collective, we have failed. Failed hard. Last weekend news leaked out that Thor: The Mighty Avenger was getting axed. This is nothing sort of a calamitous disregard for one of the most wondrous, beautiful mainstream titles hitting shelves. Canned, canned, canned. While other titles are hitting the shelves, depleted of quality, offering nothing new to existing mythos. I am significantly bummed out about this. Half of me wants to recommend nothing more than this title. A militant stance. But alas, there’s other worthwhile shit dropping, and that would be unfair to them.

But!, please, check this shit out tomorrow. The good news is that apparently they’ve been given the ability to wrap up the storyline by the final installment in January. You’re only six issues behind. It’ll cost you nothing more than something like twenty-four Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers. It’s a refreshing take on an existing origin. The dialogue is great, the artwork is gorgeous. Both of these creators, Roger Langridge and Chris Samnee will assuredly continue on doing dope work somewhere else.

But still. Hit this while you can.

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Elsewhere In the Marvel Universe:
Thankfully, I don’t think we’re failing in regard to following Hickman’s current work on the Fantastic Four. Tomorrow sees the release of Fantastic Four #585, which promises to work towards the conclusion of the “Three” storyline. I have a good idea that someone is going to die. I think maybe the storyline’s name gives that away. Hickman’s continues Reed Richard’s desire to solve everything while grounding it with a thunderous round of heart and humor. Last month when Ben Grimm got his one-week of humanity back, and went to see Alicia? I teared up. I know, fuck me.

Also dropping is Captain America #612 which follows Bucky as he goes on trial for his crimes as the Winter Soldier. While I like the story, and generally everything Brubaker does, I’m wondering how long he’s going to examine Bucky’s guilt over his past. Fair enough it’s been introspective to this point, and now he’s dealing with the public outrage regarding it. As I said, I still dig it. And finally, Invincible Iron Man #32 promises to be a slobberknocker, as Iron Man throws down with Detroit Steel. Fraction penned action scenes being realized by Salvador Larroca? I’m there.

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[images & words is the comic book pick-of-the-week at OL. equal parts review and diatribe, the post highlights the most memorable/infuriating/entertaining book released that wednesday]

I am a Web-Centurion, presiding over the dominion of OL. My assignment is to patrol the rusty, corroding gates of this kingdom. Not only am I responsible for determining who may or may not enter the realm, but I can also prevent subjects from leaving.

Today, a wild-eyed elder tried to make a speedy exit. I hopped off of my turbo-bike and delivered a swift boot to his midsection. When he finally regained his faculties, I asked him who he was. What his trade was. Why he was trying to leave the lands of Caffeinated Wonder-Bliss.

He explained that he was a narrative-alchemist. That he had come up with a powerful elixir, a curative concoction that could help countless folk. I didn’t want to believe him, as I generally distrust old people. But the way he described his new potion, the earnestness with which he spoke, made me less violent. Strangely, I found his message endearing.

I let him pass. Even though I should have killed him. I sincerely hope his formula for a “comick” sees the light of day.

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