Hellblazer has been cancelled. Don’t worry, folks! It’s going to be stripped of its edge, declawed, and integrated into the DCU proper. This is so, so, so fucking dumb. No, hey. It’s cool. Dan DiDio is supremely proud of the title. This is why he has axed it, and is going to neuter the fantastic John Constantine. As an aside, if you haven’t read Garth Ennis’ ridiculous delicious run on the title, use this bad news to motivate you.

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I just ate an entire Domino’s deep dish pizza. I’m covered in crumbs. My asshole is already writhing in hate, preparing to shotgun out waste across a porcelain tomb. My girlfriend and I aren’t seeing eye to eye on serious life issues. My bank account shrinks with the same rapidity my doughy ass’d waist expands. If this isn’t the perfect time to escape through some funnies, I don’t know when will be. Comic books, please deliver me from mortality, ideological stances, caloric repercussions, dependence on foreign oil, the problematic desire to respect women’s issues and also rub seed on their butts, and other complicated things. Just fucking do it, okay?

This is Buy These Fucking Comics, the column where we chat about what you’re procuring this week in the world of sequential art and female objectification. If I don’t drop something you dig, for the love of Thanatos speak up. That’s the entire point of this fucking enterprise.

Don’t know what’s coming out? Check right hurr.

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