Last week I was totally going emo over the lack of care I had for Marvel’s Ultimate universe. Somewhere, despite having been aware of it, I didn’t recall this forthcoming gem. Jonathan Hickman writes my favorite titles for the Marvel Universe, and  Esad Ribic’s work on Uncanny X-Force was some of the most glorious art I’d seen in many a fortnight. Put the two of them together on Ultimate Comics Ultimates #1 (worst title ever) and all of a sudden I’m rather stoked. Stoke-ified. Stoked through and through.

Hit the jump for a preview.

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Joe Stone has created diagrams functioning as the family trees for the X-Men, Avengers, and Fantastic Four. Now he’s done as the solid of trying to explain the DC Relaunch in one diagram. It doesn’t save the relaunch, but it certain is cute.

Hit the jump to check it out.

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As I type this, I’m sipping some cold suds. Non-alcoholic mind you, it’s a work night. Birdies blather from green trees outside the window, and I perspire from the warm Summer air. It’s a bit of a pleasant time to be inhabiting Spaceship Earth, alongside the Eastern seaboard of the Northern Americas. Life is good. To compliment all of that, the installment of this week’s funny books drops tomorrow.

Here’s what I find interesting hittin’ shelves.

Let me know what you’re feigning for.

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USA Today totally ruined the end of Ultimate Spider-Man, continuing the Marvel tradition of giving away endings early in hopes of boosting sales over reveals.

Spoilers ahead, mateys.

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It was announced that ‘Uncanny X-Men’ was ending in with issue #544, and it as assumed that it would be relaunching. It is. Along with ‘Uncanny X-Men #1’ in November, we’re also getting ‘Wolverine and the X-Men.’ Oh boy. They’re truly divided!

Hit the jump for more details.

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Here’s the gorgeous Scottish writer talking about what the DC reboot means to him. You also get to hear him call Superman the greatest creation ever in the history of human thought. Okay, not something crazy, but pretty close.

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I hope everyone is safely buckled into their seats. We are riding the Wayback Machine, as the comic book landscape is desperately trying to scramble back to the 1990’s. DC is relaunching their brand. Marvel is ending Uncanny X-Men. Greg Capullo is drawing Batman. Joey Mads is drawing Spider-Man. Everything is seemingly returning to how it once was. A nostalgic attempt to recreate the magic and sales of a time before the internet, or digital sales, or all the naughty things mucking up the landscape.

What can we do though? Nothing. We continue buying the comic books. We kvetch. We moan. But we buy. That’s where this column comes in. Variant Covers.  The watering hole that we all gather around. I tell you the titles I’m sweating this week, and you share yours. Communal. A group therapy session. My arms are open, my armpits are sweaty. I will hold you.

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I don’t know how in the names of the Lords of Kobol that I missed this. I lamented that Jeff Lemire was no longer writing Superboy. What I didn’t notice, because of various ignorances and stupidities is that he is writing Animal Man. I’ll take that trade any day of the week.

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This is Covers, of the Varying kind. A comic book column where myself and theoretically other nerds convene to shoot the shit about the comic books coming out on a given week. I vomit up hundreds of words about the titles that are catching my eye, and then you do the same in the comments box. It’s a wonderful community filled with objectification through latex, bi-annual cosmic threats, and the occasionally mind-altering idea.

I love it.

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