#June2013
‘THE LAST GUARDIAN’ is ‘ON HIATUS.’ Confirmed to be SPENDING WEEKENDS with ‘HALF-LIFE 3.’
The Last Guardian is “oh hiatus”? Uhhh. I know it’s not the same thing, but a game that hasn’t been shown for years isn’t one that I consider active. Hiding, “on hiatus”, in development Hell. These are all roses by another name. At least to me.
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‘FINAL FANTASY XV’ REVEAL TRAILER: Active Time Boner!
I’m running out of headlines, folks. Been blogging for a solid twelve hours now. I’m really enthused for this game. Maybe it’ll let me down. Maybe it won’t. The Diet Pepsi coiling itself around my brain stem tells me not to worry about it. To just take off my pants. Run through the lightly falling rain. Hide in a trash can. Eat banana rinds.
I should listen, right?
PS4 CONFERENCE SHITS ALL OVER the XBOX ONE’S DRM, RESTRICTIONS. #ShotsFired
The biggest pop today at the pre-E3 conferences came when Sony audibly shat all down the throat of Microsoft’s unpopular restrictions, and online policies. It was an amazingly earnest moment at what is usually a bunch of canned, forced, presentations. Imma go ahead and rub my face against PS4 screenshots.
FIRST LOOK: The PLAYSTATION 4. HERE ARE MANY PICS OF IT.
So uh, yeah. More as it comes. I’m fine with it. (Seriously, do we really care about console designs?)
MINECRAFT CREATOR gets GOLDEN PSONE from Sony. MICROSOFT sends box of tacks to Team Meatboy.
Sony has sent the creator of Minecraft an invitation to an E3 Event in the form of a fucking golden PSOne. It’s awesome seeing Sony rolling out the red (golden? ha!) carpet for indie developers. Meanwhile, Microsoft is ripping the carpet out from underneath their indie creators’ feet. You know. Blowing smoke in their eyes, getting rid of their dedicated XBL channel, and telling them to be grateful to even be able to find a third-party publisher to push their pretentious swill.
Definitely different vibes from the two camps.
Press Start: XBOX Consumergeddon
So, about that new XBOX.
Only a week ago, Microsoft managed to enrage what seemed like the entire gaming sector of the internet with the announcement of the XBOX One. Now, for the non-gamers out there, the window-shopper if you will (otherwise why the fuck would you be reading this?) I should inform you that gamers, on the whole, are a fairly irrational bunch. Whereas most consumers can happily walk away from a product that just isn’t right for them, gamers – as part of their perpetual, existential quest – will desperately search for logic and some sort of conclusion as to why they shall not be purchasing the next new console. If anything, it’s almost as if we’re struggling to comprehend the idea that we’ve been told we can’t have the XBOX One: its list of baffling, anti-consumer ‘features’ being part of an effort to politely tell us to fuck off.
Source: MICROSOFT SIX MONTHS behind where they want to be with NEXT XBOX. Duruhroh!
Some people around these parts are going to lube themselves with this news and just start straight-up punishing their pink bits. (Yes Neo, I’m looking at you.) Word has come out that Microsoft isn’t nearly where they want to be in the development of the Durascal 720-Kinect 2 Leviathan, to the tune of six months.
Hit the jump for the cuts, then let me know what you think.
NEXT XBOX getting EXCLUSIVE from ‘CALL OF DUTY’ creators. Shots fired.
Let’s side-step what we think of Call of Duty, or the potential game from its creators. The fact that Microsoft may be sewing up the next game from these lads is pretty impressive. The Duty franchise is a veritable license to print money, and while there isn’t anything guaranteed about this new franchise I have to imagine it’ll be making crazy dollars. In a world where Sony and Microsoft are struggling to differentiate their console from the others, this could be a hell of a marketing point.
Press Start: Suda Horny, Michael
The world of video games is an industry powered by the inane grins of fuckwitts flailing to Just Dance and the sweaty wank-palms of teens prestiging for the nineteenth time on Black Ops II. Occasionally though, this fecal assembly line spews out the odd gem, inspires the odd moment of creativity and even showcases some of the most inventive minds working today. I guess, on the whole, it isn’t quite so bad. Perhaps I should put my cynicism aside. “What’s that? Assassin’s Creed with pirates? You mean the only decent mechanic in the entire of Ass Creed III was simply to test the market for the next title?” Excuse me whilst I wretch over the starboard bow. No wonder I’m so cynical. Before I hurt someone, here’s a round-up of the less-shit things that happened in gaming this week.
Playstation: Episode IV – A New Hope
Perhaps I expect too much, or maybe I’m just not as connected to the world of contemporary gaming as I want to believe I am, but something about the reception towards Sony’s PS4 announcement strikes me as being particularly lukewarm. Sure, I’m old enough now to realise that the promises of seas parting and maidens flocking aren’t ever true, but I did expect a little more fan-fare than “well, it’s not completely shit…”
Beyond the lacklustre offerings of the Wii U and the PS Vita, or the lingering promise of something from Valve or Apple, gamers have little to feed upon lately. As the next generation begins to rise from the embryonic fluid of shadowy development houses we get to weigh up the merits of a blank canvas against the fear of unfulfilled promises. So, let’s join hands and embark upon this adventure together.
