#October2013
‘WATCH DOGS’ delayed until SPRING 2014. SHITTIN’ ALL OVER MY LAUNCH DAY PLANS
Titty fuck a goose! Goddamn Watch Dogs. Goddamn UbiSoft. The game I was sweating in a sensual coupling with my launch day PS4 has been delayed. What’s next? What’s next!
No Comments
Monday Morning Commute: AUTUMNAL SPACESHIP GROOVING.
Woo! Look at Killer Mike fucking have at it! From a super-froggy-fresh live performance of “Run the Jewels.” Killer Mike? That’s how I’m feeling on this final day of the long weekend. Nothing like sleeping in late three days in a row to revive the synapses, restore the soul, and pack on an easy five pounds or so. This is Monday Morning Commute, the column where I share the esoteric entities (not really) in my existence that are helping me get through a given week. I spread them all around the ground, pointing at them while shouting “Fuck!, Fuck!, Fuck!, Delicious!” This serves to let you know I love them. After that, you share your dilly dallyings in the comments.
Let’s groove, folks.
MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE: The SPACE-SHIP and its DEMANDS
I’d be lying if I said the first thing I wanted to do after being gone from home for fourteen hours was pen a column for you swine. But the Space-Ship demands its supplication. I must adhere to the scriptures. Lest the ones in the belly of the Ship awaken. Claw their way to the cockpit. Eat our souls, our mothers’ hearts, the organs of our unborn Space-Babies. We don’t want that, right? What’s a little fatigue-drunk groveling in the form of a column, if it saves the Omega-Ship? It’s nothing! Nothing god dammit!
—Oh, you don’t know what I’m rambling about? This is Monday Morning Commute. The column where we share the various things we’re anticipating, currently enjoying, or day-dreaming about on a given week. It serves as a meeting place, a virtual comic shop floor, the bathroom at a rock concert. It also keeps the Dark Lords from awakening. Fair trade.
Share your shit! What are you digging this week? (Oh, and if the comments aren’t working please clear your Chrome plug-in data.)
SON OF A BITCH: GAMESTOP MANAGERS getting PS4 & SEVEN GAMES AT LAUNCH.
How quickly can I infiltrate the ranks of GameStop? I must walk among them, showing prowess at peddling bullshit warranties and slamming pre-orders down customers’ throats. For if I can ascend to manager by November 15, I will get myself a free PS4.
Sony dropping PLAYSTATION 4 release plans on August 20. TELL ME.
Dear Sony: I have you all prepped to take my money. The PS4 has been pre-purchased on Amazon. My frothing desire mounts. Now just tell me when the fucking console is dropping.
Rumor: PLAYSTATION 4 dropping OCTOBER 21. MY BODY IS READY. (My wallet? Eh.)
Ever since I signed a contract with the guy behind the 7-Eleven who promised me a launch PS4 in dick blood and tears, I’ve wondered to myself. Namely, what the fuck am I doing with my life? How did he know I’d be so happy to scab my cock head just for a gaming console? Oh! And also when the fucking jam was going to breach shelves.
Well, it looks like we may have an answer.
PS PLUS not required to RECORD AND STREAM GAMES ON PS4. XBOX ONE? $$$
How long until this Microsoft’s stance on this is rolled back? It seems like a swaying song and dance at this point. Sony unleashes a feature for free. Microsoft charges for it. We all gnash our teeth. Said feature becomes available for free on the XBONE.
BLANKA BOYZ EPISODE 2: The XBONE x HAL 9000 Affair
Faux Bot is back with his second installment of Blanka Boyz. This one focuses its mentally ill gaze upon the raging degenerate that is Microsoft’s XBONE. As with the first, it is laden with smash cuts, old school references, and thick slathers of insanity.
E3 vs PR – Part III: Microsoft Monday and Mixed Messages
Let’s talk about how important Monday was for determining the game industry’s narrative for the coming months.
Let’s also talk about what it means to gamers like you, and me, and how industry giants like Microsoft and Sony communicated with us via the grand stage of E3.
Monday saw PR-beleageured Microsoft take the stage first, around 9:30 a.m. Pacific Time. There’s no beating around the bush – they had an uphill battle to wage, one very much set up by their own PR snafoos over the last month.
E3 vs PR – Part II: The Whirlwind of E3’s Media Days
The Monday and Tuesday of the annual E3 week are always a fascinating pair of days to watch unfold from a PR perspective. The show floor opens its doors to attendees on Tuesday afternoon, but by then, an entire story has been told to the media through a series of conferences, briefings and events that kick off the week.
E3 seems unlike any other industry trade show on the planet. It’s equivalents in other industries, from television, to film, to fashion, to food, all seem tame by comparison. At least, from the perspective of public relations.
