It’s a bit of a stretch, asking anyone to come out of Prometheus this weekend without an overwhelming sensation of feeling hollow.  It’s a rather empty, desolate film in all the ways that matter:  setting, visuals, character – even plot.  There just isn’t a lot there.

Compounding the problem is that the marketing machine behind the film has inadvertently already given you 90% of it.  Walking out of the theatre tonight or tomorrow will feel like you’ve just seen an extended trailer, albeit a two hour one.

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Before I went to see Prometheus last night, I spent the week watching every space mission movie I owned. So, after a while, I began wondering why these missions are populated with the stupidest people alive, because as soon as these idiots step off their craft, compound, whatever, common sense seems to fuck off to destinations unknown. And after this marathon culminated with Prometheus, I began compiling a list of rules, simple enough for these morons to follow, to ensure a safe mission and hopefully cut down on casualties.

Planning to take a trip to some uncharted planet? Print these out and keep them with you.

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All hands on deck!

It appears that Spaceship Omega has inadvertently veered off course. Somehow, perhaps because Navigator Burton fell asleep after drinking too many Pepsi-and-gasoline cocktails, we have slipped into a pocket of spacetime usually avoided at all costs. That’s right, folks, batten down the hatches and brace yourselves! We’re headed right for it!

The beginning of the workweek!

As wave after wave of ennui, minutiae, and stress wash over us, we can rest assured. For every passenger of Spaceship Omega has a spot in the refuge known as the MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE! What is this sanctuary, you ask? Well, this is where I take the time to show you the various bits of entertainment and mind-drivel I’ll be using to survive the onslaught of real-world responsibilities. Then, you hit up the comments section and tell us which floatation device you’ll be clinging to when your ass is tossed into the Ocean of Obligation.

Yes, beneath the half-baked metaphors and bleeding-heart-on-my-sleeve hyperbole, it’s folks tryin’ to point one another in the direction of cool shit.

Oh no! Another wave! Let’s do this!

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Hell of a picture right hurr, taken by Cassini. Check out a close-up of Saturn’s moon Dione, with all sorts of interesting things happening in the back ground.

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Prometheus  international poster. Blade Runner  sequel news. Just hit the jump.

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I’m just up and not watching anymore Prometheus  sheezy. I’m not going to. However since I love you and your nougat, I’ll keep passing it along anyways, deducing content from other wonderful site’s descriptions.

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Boing. The first clip from Prometheus  has dropped, and it is everything you could ever hope  for in the world of gadgetry and spaceships. Well, everything you could ask out of those two in an meaningless (but sexy) one-minute clip.

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Phew. I was frightened. We hadn’t been blasted across the nips with Prometheus  images in like, a day. Maybe even two. Here’s some off the digi-presses, courtesy of Advertisement (Entertainment) Weekly.

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The hubub surrounding the rating of Ridley Scott’s Prometheus  can now subside. Despite being a tentpole flick, somehow the studio brains have allowed the most harsh of cuts of the movie to hit the theater.

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LOST  could be making a comeback if Damon Lindelof’s titty teaser has any weight behind it. Promoting Prometheus  or some shit, the maestro hinted yet again that we haven’t seen the end of the Island.

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