#March2014
BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS’ comic ‘POWERS’ becoming TV show. ON PLAYSTATION. Word?
Well then. Brian Michael Bendis and Michael Oeming’s original comic Powers is finally coming to flat screens around the world. It’s been talked about for ages, and well fuck my greasy knobs!, it’s coming. But here’s the interesting thing. The son of a bitch is coming courtesy of PlayStation. Yep.
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‘RATCHET & CLANK: INTO THE NEXUS’ IS REAL; GIVING ME AROUSAL TIME.
Well, God be good! After Insomniac Games dropped that Fuze? Fuse? Fuzzy? with its mature multiplayer nonsense, I had feared the company and I had parted ways. Well, it looks like them fuckers have won me back. With an an accidental early reveal of a new Ratchet game.
Playstation 4 announced – My Orbis is tickled; is yours?
Sony has unveiled their next-generation platform at today’s much anticipated Playstation meeting event. You can guess the name they went with.
In a two-hour event live-streamed through every major media outlet, the new console, its UI, its core features and its first games were shown off to the world for the first time. Let’s get to all the meat unveiled today.
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ delayed until September 17, whattayagonnado.
Grand Theft Auto V has been delayed, thereby causing like, more than several people to frown. Oh lord, if you could see these frowns. The people don’t even respect themselves, drooling half-chewed pizza and such all over their t-shirts. Embarrassing. C’mon guys, it is just a game.
‘DEAD SPACE 3’ features N7 ARMOR and microstransactions. Win some, lose some.
At this point in the dance, continuing to complain about microtransactions in gaming is like me complaining about blood in my stool. It is part and parcel for the area. If I didn’t want blood in my stool, I’d stop soaking my cells in aluminium filings to keep away the Illuminati Mind Control. If I didn’t want to deal with microtransactions, I would stop gaming. Dead Space 3 is the latest culprit in this spreading phenomenon. But don’t cry! It has N7 armor for some of us. Wee!
Watch: First FIVE MINUTES of ‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE.’ Do you dare?
I’m not watching this. However, I’m presenting you with the opportunity. Do you dare to spoil?
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO V’ promotional swag leaks. Plus! Posters.
The drums of war go boom-boom or something, heralding the approach of the next GTA. These drums bring with them promotional leaks and posters for those who are interested. I assume you are interested.
‘GRAND THEFT AUTO’ officially dropping in SPRING 2013. Wee?
I don’t know. Are we supposed to be enthused by this? Spring is a pretty big season. Like, I’m thinking April. It better be April. Didn’t GTA IV drop in April? I like cookies. Do you?
‘BIOSHOCK INFINITE’ Collector’s Editions revealed. But what if it sucks?
Yeah, I went there. As much as I want to be hyped for the fucking BioShock Infinite Omega Level editions, I can’t get there. People are leaving that game’s development team like it’s a flame-covered donkey ride in the middle of the ocean. What is that, exactly? Fuck you! I don’t know. Anyways, so yeah. Buy these. At your own risk.
‘DEAD SPACE 3’ adds fan-made ‘HUN-E1 BADGER’ to game’s weapons.
This is a fucking treat. Caleb Mendoza is the winner of some sort of Dead Space 3 contest, and the weapon he designed is going to be up in the game. It’s a cute little reference, Caleb. Though, not what I would have chosen. I would have designed some sort of head-splitting cock rocket that Isaac channeled through his suit’s internal energy pack and out of his hog. Directly out of his hog. It would have been magic.
