What up! Do you want the details for the next PlayStation’s processors? Here they are! They mean very, very little to me. Maybe they’ll mean something to you. I would get more if it was like “more ultimate power time!”

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Well dang! It’s been a minute since I butt cheek titty fucked this particular column. Press Start! Column where we chat up the weekly happenings in the gaming world. I’ve been busy, okay? The sculpture of Casey Hudson I’ve been crafting made out of my own excrement and sticking pins into to punish him for Mass Effect 3’s  ending won’t make itself. Lots of chicken finger plates. Lots of bowel movements. Lots of fun! What matters is that I’m here now. We’re all snuggled up, don’t sniff my fingers, and I’m about to rattle off five things that caught my eyes this week. Don’t see something you dug on the list? Good, this little community doesn’t work without your input. Let’s jam.

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Ready for a PlayStation 4? Well hold on, yo! You’re going to have to wait a bit longer for your mega-polygonal-joy-boost gaming experience. Sony has announced at CES that they ain’t going to be showing their new fantasti-machine at this year’s Electronic E-Something Expo.

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Take it with a grain of salt, but the rumor du jour is that PlayStation 4 is going to drop next year with Kinect-type controls. Oh goodie, the virus spreads!

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With Wii 2 news carving up the video game websites like a mo’fuckah, I suppose it was only time until Microsoft and Sony were all like “Yo!, we’re totally making new consoles as well! Love us, worship us, fiddle our knobs. Please!” That’s exactly what the CFO of Sony did today.

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