The head of Xbox is teasing an XCloud streaming stick, not unlike an Amazon Fire stick. This strikes me deeply, deeply as the future of gaming. Streamed to any device, free from physical hardware limitations. As a Sony fanboy, I really wonder what the fuck the company is up to, while Microsoft is making moves like this.

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The demise of the console has been greatly exaggerated. Many thought Gen8 would be the generation that finally saw consoles give way to mobile gaming. And while that MGL (mobile gaming life, obviously) is popular, it hasn’t completely eroded us core dorkwads. So it doesn’t come as much surprise to me that Phil Spencer is already saying that there will be an Xbox Two to follow the Xbox One.

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Xbox. Like, I should be really excited about your vibin’, comrade. I own all your systems! I love the fact that your Head Czar wants *alll* the backwards compatibility. But with every victorious development that is revealed, I just wish Sony would handle their shit.

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C’mon Phil Spencer. I recognize that all of you Bloat-Brained Head Honcho Ding Dongs are prone to hyperbole. I get that. But how about you unfuck the gaming community’s perception of the XB1 before you blather your super-hype, nonsense-crap.

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Phil Spencer: Mostly known to me as the Blazer & T-Shirt Guy from his various presentations. Now I’m going to know the lad by another appellation: Head of XBOX. I don’t really know how to feel. Microsoft has spent the last year peeling off restrictions from their console, getting outsold by the PS4, and making me fucking pay for an adapter to use my existing headset. Is Spencer behind any of this? Will he alleviate some of this douchery now that he’s in control? I wonder. As an owner of the XBONER, I’m hoping he does a fantastic job.

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Microsoft is teasing us with promise of an exclusive from a “wonderful” Japanese developer. I really wonder what the fuck it can be, and how much money they’ve backed up into the gaping anus of said developer to obtain it. (In case you didn’t know, currency-to-anus transfers are the new hot phenomenon in my mind.) Cause like, with XB1 not even out in Japan yet, what sort of exclusive with a Japanese developer provide?

NO SERIOUSLY — I don’t know. Any guesses?

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Kotaku picked up on a CNN article where   Microsoft Game Studios VP Phil Spencer is talking up the Nintendo 3DS, while calling the rest of 3D gaming a “science experiment”. Well then! What exactly is Spencer’s reasoning for praising the upcoming Nintendo handheld, while taking a presumed swipe on Sony’s entry into 3D gaming on the PS3? Dude explains!

CNN:

“I like the 3DS,” Spencer said, though he hadn’t actually seen it firsthand. He likes the concept because “you don’t have to wear the glasses.”

I agree with you on that one, Philly. Nothing screams choad like wearing some goofy fucking glasses while you’re trying to watch television, or play video games. I mean, talk about fucking gimmicky. But do you know what’s just as gimmicky as wearing some fucking goggles on your fat mug? Doing karate kicks to control something on screen!

Yeah, that’s right the fucking Kinect is about as retarded and gimmicky. Now, I’m embellishing a bit. He didn’t actually demean 3D gaming as gimmicky. I did. I just sort of conflated the two. But it seems amusing that he doesn’t see something ludicrous in fingering animals with your hands through pantomiming, but he thinks some glasses on your faceplate aren’t anything more than fucking around with science.

Thoughts? Shazam!