Oh snap! NHL 10 came out today. Which means, if you’re a decent human being like me, you’re going to do two things. First you’re going to buy it. And then you’re going to take run after run at Sidney Crosby. It’s not that I want to mercilessly paralyze him in the game forever. I mean, that’d be cool and all. But I’d settle for knocking him over and tearing a shoulder-socket out or something. It’s going to be therapeutic. I’ve been suffering night terrors since the little bitch won the Stanley Cup like three months ago.

So do your part. Buy the game, choose your favorite team, and just wail away on the little punk. I wish it was like old-school SNES NHL ’94. Then I could drill him and receive that beautiful little graphic of the sprite rolling around on the ice in agony. But I’ll just have to settle for a Lucic slam against the boards. Again. And again. And again.