#September2014
Oculus announces new VR prototype headset, Crescent Bay.
The Rift goes on, and on, and on! Oculus has revealed their latest prototype headset, named Crescent Bay. This son of a bitch is the next step towards next year’s consumer release. Titled, “Fat People Wall-Screens.”
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Oculus Rift consumer version arriving by summer 2015
The Virtual Reality Distracticaust which promises to finally fully sublimate thinking in the name of all-consuming virtual distraction is coming, folks! I suppose you can tell my anxieties regarding the Oculus Rift, whose consumer version is due to arrive by next summer.
Aiight: Oculus building its own VR motion controllers.
I am not a smart man. So I didn’t really know if anyone else was stupefied by how Oculus and other VR Overlords were going to go about controlling their virtual realms. As a champion of teledildonics and shit, I was picturing some sort of fetishistic, haptic-feedback body suit. But I suppose motion controllers are cool too. (I guess.)
OCULUS Buys Design Team Behind Kinect and 360 Controller. Gotta buy em all!
THE OCULUS JUGGERNAUT SHALL NOT BE BOWED BY MORTAL OR DEITY. The company is acquiring talent like a motherfucker, and now they’re starting to snag up companies. The VR Headset That Shall Be has acquired the team that designed the Xbox 360 controller and the original Kinect. Kinect can get fucked and all that, but I’ll be goddamned if I wasn’t madly in love with the 360’s pad.
‘Bastion’ & ‘Transistor’ senior programmer joins OCULUS.
All Hail The Oculus Brain Drain of 2014. The company that Better Bring Me The Metaverse is continuing to snag up talent from motherfuckers all over the gaming landscape. The latest brain-piece to be vacuumed up into their Monolithic Corpus is the senior programmer behind Bastion and Transistor.
Oculus Rift-compatible CONTROL VR GLOVES let you get Johnny Mnemonical
Fuck yeah! How is a Console Cowboy supposed to surf the CyberScape without some gnarly VR gloves? And a body suit? Eh? Answer me that, Zuckerberg and Carmack! Ya Fucks! It’s totally killing the metaphor, man. Having to type and shit. Thankfully Control VR got our asses covered.
GO FIGURE: Valve’s VR headset has “Oculus Rift-like” features
Go fucking figure!, Valve’s VR headset has features that are similar to the Oculus Rift. Like, it covers your entire head, and feature virtual reality environments. Yeah I don’t even know why I’m posting about this. But! I favorited it in my Feedly, so it has to be for some reason! Maybe my alter ego, Xavier Thunderkick, favorited it while I was in some fugue state.
Friendship: OCULUS helping SAMSUNG on their VR Headset
Corporate friendship! More like “mutually assured market dominance!”, but let me think of rainbows. Rainbows firing straight up my ass, rocketing out my cock in an ejaculation-prism that wows everyone in the football stadium. Wait — where were we? Oh! Samsung and Oculus totally jerking off one another in the VR market.
Because Of Course: SAMSUNG working on its own OCULUS RIFT RIVAL
Do you know what you are if you’re a tech company, and you’re not working on a VR headset? A BIG FAT TURKEY, ASS-EATER. Now mind you I’m okay with a) turkeys and b) eating ass, but I’m just typing that the voices tell me I should type.
ZeniMax is taking OCULUS VR to court. If only Oculus had a rich backer.
We’ve reported before on ZeniMax being a bit pissed at some of their tech being ninja’d as John Carmack left the company for Oculus. Now they pissed. Talking court. Go ahead, ZeniMax. Take Oculus VR to court. Motherfuckers are owned by Facebook, which means to me that they’re pretty much comfortable sitting in a court room and farting on piles of cash for as long as it takes. But hey, I’ll bring the popcorn. Slap fight for a bit. The world is watching.
