#March2015
Of course: ‘The Legend of Zelda Wii U’ delayed past 2015
…you, you didn’t think Uncharted 4 was going to be able the only exclusive title you coveted that would be pushed into 2016 or beyond, did you?
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Nintendo developing mobile games! with DeNA, also tease new hardware
Nintendo is partnering with DeNA to develop mobile games. The fuck: it ain’t going to be porting nothing, just creating new content. They also teased new hardware, codenamed “NX.” The fuck: I just bought a fucking Wii U!
Nintendo has sold 9.2 million Wii U units since 2012
Is the Wii U going to be a success? Like, a burn-money-on-Omnidimensional-pan-genital’d strippers success? If the latest financials are any indication: no.
Nintendo dropping new ‘3DS XL’ next month
I’ve been circling the purchase of a Nintendo 3DS for a while now. Haven’t been able to bring myself to launch the money-missiles from my wallet-banks, but maybe next month will be the time. The Company Mario Built is dropping a new one, and it’s supposed to be like, way nice or something.
Nintendo posts $97 Milli loss last quarter. Luigi gives console market the Death Stare
I’ll cop to it. I didn’t buy a Wii U when Mario Kart 8 came out. So I hold myself personally responsible for Nintendo’s ass-sucking financial quarter. I mean — surely I must lead by example, right? I gotta get on this.
Nintendo Czar-President: TWITCH STREAMING AIN’T FUN. LOLokaybro
Why isn’t the Wii U getting Twitch’s streaming service? The one that zillions of people broadcast themselves on? The one that zillions of people log onto, just to see others playing games? If you buy the Shit Sandwich that is being sold by Nintendo’s Out of Touch Czar, it’s because it ain’t fun.
E3 2014 MASTERPOST: CLOSE-OUT, ASS-OUT, VIDEOS & NEWS COMPENDIUM
OKAY FOLKS. Listen up. Between the alimony hearings, the drug use, the fact that Feedly went down for two fucking days, and my favorite butt plug melting in my dishwasher (which required an immediate journey to the upper mountains of the Appalachians to replace), there’s some E3 STUFF I DIDN’T GET TO. However, I also posted a fucking fuckload. Here in one batch is everything I’ve caught from E3. Posted, and previously unposted. Sorted by console. Don’t see your fave announcement/game? Hit the comments. I’ll add it. I know I’m missing a lot. Also! Use this space just to shoot the E3 shit. Read the rest of this entry »
E3 2014: ‘ZELDA WII U’ Gamplay Trailer: Turbo-Boner Nostalgia Hysteria
I don’t even know what the fuck to to say to you if you’re not down with this Zelda Wii-Wii-And-Me-And-U footage. It’s more or less the most taint-glazing batch of fanboy gameplay eroticism that Nintendo has trotted out since the original Super Mario Galaxy reveal in 1932. I say GODDAMN. Deliver me unto 2015.
