#November2014
Nicolas Winding Refn announces ‘The Neon Demon.’ Let’s do this.
Ryan Gosling’s cinematic Best Friend is getting ready to begin filming his next jam. It’s a female-led horror flick called The Neon Demon. Don’t worry, Nicky. I got the tagline for this shit. “From Neon Noir to the NEON DEMON comes the new film from Ryan Gosling’s Cinematic Best Friend!!!” I’m pretty much a genius marketer.
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Nicolas Winding Refn announces ‘I WALK WITH THE DEAD’ as next flick
Nicolas Winding Refn has made clear what his next movie is going to be. Shirtless Ryan Gosling: Brood and Smolder 2 – The Boogie Down Connection. At least that’s how I imagine it going. Instead it’s going to be some horror flick. Which I guess is almost as cool.
Nicolas Winding Refn’s ‘BARBARELLA’ TV remake hitting AMAZON
Yet another hope and dream of Amazon’s for butting into the original television content market has been revealed. This dream is taking the form of Winding Refn’s Barbarella remake. Not exactly the next House of Cards, but hey — I didn’t expect much from that fucking series either. So yeah.
MONDAY MORNING COMMUTE: HOT DOGS-RELATED DEATHS
Hello friends and family aboard the Spaceship Omega. As we hail from the Empire Proper, the lot of us shall be celebrating the Fourth of July. You’re not from this Solar System? Confused as to how we rock our celebrations around these parts? It’s simple! All you have to do to join us is fill yourselves with chemical-soaked animal flesh. In-between teeth gnashing the bits, swallow healthy amounts of Amber Liquids. These suds shall assuage the indigestion. Not only that, but they shall elevate you to another plane. Careful, though. Should you consume too much Amber Liquid and Animal Flesh, you may theoretically pass out in the kiddie pool. With your pants down. Theoretically, you’ll wake up lobster pink. The children will notice your lack of pants, the parents will notice the vomit baked into your beard.
So even though it isn’t in league with the celebration, I also caution temperance.
What are you doing to do the rest of the week? Glad you asked. Here is Monday Morning Commute, the column where us populators of the OL-Satellite share what we are up to during a given seven-day stretch.
‘VALHALLA RISING’ may get TOKYO-BASED SEQUEL. Time Travelling Vikings, yo!
File this under: don’t question it, just love it. Nicolas Winding Refn wants to take his Viking Warrior flick (that in full disclosure I haven’t seen but want to and it’s streaming on Netflix why don’t I just get off my lazy ass Jesus Christ…) and flip it a sequel. In Tokyo. In the Future. Somehow.
‘ONLY GOD FORGIVES’ French Poster: Gosling’s glare kills my brovaries.
Yeah, we’re going hard on the Only God Forgives tip around here. That’s the glory of your own small, unsponsored, marginally supported blog! You can do whatever you want! So here is the aforementioned poster which you may not care about, and that’s okay!
TWO ‘ONLY GOD FORGIVES’ Trailers: The Devil loves Samurai Swords
Today is a legit fucking blessing for those of you who need to fill your gullets with every ounce of Only God Forgives promotional material wandering this rock. Here are two new trailers for your gaping maw. Chew them slowly.
‘ONLY GOD FORGIVES’ POSTER sadly does not feature Ryan Gosling’s abdominal muscles. How did this happen.
I’m sure we will be getting enough of both Ryan Gosling’s abdominal walls and his face throughout Only God Forgives to fill our quota for the year. Of course, if you haven’t been an errant asshole you’ve already begun filling that quota with Place Beyond The Pinewood Box Time or whatever. But maybe you’ve been bad. Anyways, check out this poster for the next Refn-Gosling blood bath.
‘ONLY GOD FORGIVES’ Red-Band Trailer: GOSLING, SWORDS, BLOOD. YOU IN?
It’s Nicolas Winding Refn, Ryan Gosling, gorgeous imagery, swords, sexuality, Thailand.
‘ONLY GOD FORGIVES’ TEASER: It’s Refn awesome.
Yeah, I don’t know if Refn rhymes with “f’n.” It probably doesn’t. Whatever the case. Despite my light ribbing with Rendar over DRIVE that is going to eventually lead to him stabbing me, the Refn/Gosling combination gets me sprung. So, I’m pretty excited for this little teaser in its shitty resolution. Get!
